It's getting late, the sun's going down. Which scares me, the dark. The dark scares me, it-it always has. The thought of being alone in the pitch blackness, not knowing what's creeping, lurking in the shadows.. it's terrifying. The feeling makes me anxious, makes me want to scream for help. Help. For someone to save me, take me away from this awful place. Bring me to the light, where I can see my long, skinny fingers. To see where I step, so that I won't trip, making my knees bleed from the cold, concrete ground, that scraped them. I hate the dark and I think I always will. You never know what's behind the black curtains, that shields your eyes from the world. You never know what could grab you from your life you once knew. I'd rather stay in the light, the light that will keep me safe from all the demons that could take me away and remove my thoughts and memories. That could strip me of my flesh and bones, making me feel naked and alone. I want to be free, I want to be in the light. So please, darkness stay away. But it doesn't, it always comes for me. I'm afraid and alone. I want to feel safe, I want to feel happy in my own place, but it's hard when the darkness takes your happiness away. When I wake up in the morning I feel safe for about 3 seconds, till I remember where I am and who I am. The darkness fills my body, spreading the negativity all around my veins, telling me I'm worth nothing, telling me no cares what I do. It makes me want leave my own body, it makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry for hours. I wish I could feel what happiness feels like, I image it feels warm, like a summer's day, the sun blazing down on me. I sit in a field of grass, the wind blowing my hair across my face, a smile across my lips, but suddenly the clouds roll in front of the sun. Rain pours down from them, the smile that was once happily across my face is now turned upside down. I don't understand how I can go from 100 to 0 so fast. My mood can't ever be in the middle. I'm either happy or so sad that the tears won't come because they've already come, they've come so many times that there's nothing left because they're dried across my cheeks. I feel as if maybe I'm meant to be sad all the time, maybe to show others that it fucking sucks, so that they will try to be happier. But it's easier said than done. I want the light to shed on me, just once I want to be happy for a whole day. To smile at people I don't know and to wave at them, showing that I am happy, showing them I am confident in my own skin. But that hasn't happened and I feel like it never will.
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