The Struggles and Confessions of a Military Girlfriend.

Day 7

Sunday May 13th, 2018
8:07 am
This stupid alarm won't turn off. I'm officially irritated. Why is it going off again? Oh shit..... today's mother's day.  I rolled over to try and wake up the bear sleeping next to me. Trust me it was practically impossible. We gotta get up and meet with my family before we go to mother's day lunch. I already see how bad this day is going to go.
4:37 pm
It wasn't so bad. Maybe it was because he was next to me that i was able to handle all the emotions and all the reality of it all. Seeing my family was definitely what I needed after all the stress I had throughout the last few weeks. Driving home is hard. I started thinking. I should've been a mother. But I'm not. I can't dwell too much on that fact because I'll just stay heartbroken. The tears will flood. Going home with him was one of the simple things I loved about spending time with him. Watching him drive was simple and sweet. It was easy to forget about the world and all of our issues when it was he and i. He always knew how make me feel better. How to forget all the pain. He made my life so much easier and he had no clue.
    Watching movies with him. Watching his reactions. Laying with him. Just spending time with him was all it took to make my day. There was something about being there with him that made everything okay. I wasn't even thinking about the reality  of the trouble I was going to be in. And then it happened.  I was being annoyed.  My mother was blowing up my phone. I didn't want to go home. I didn't feel safe at home. I wish i could have stayed with him. Driving home was hard. It was like a week ago when we thought we were saying goodbye. This one was brutal. It was raw. It had so many emotions built into it. It was bound to have those emotions break. It was bound to have the pain of this reality make one of us snap. I just never thought it would be him. As I saw him walk away in anger and rage and punch a building I was worried. I didn't want him driving. I didn't want him going anywhere. I wanted him to turn around and come back to me. I was worried. God I was so worried. I just prayed he'd make it home ok. That he would be fine. That he wouldn't do anything stupid. When I finally got that message that he made it to his dad's it was a breath of relief. I was still hysterical. I spent that whole night listening to my mother talk down on him. I know it was well off into tomorrow when I finally fell asleep. The damage between my family and i and my family and him had be done.