A Drop In The Ocean

1

~ William Schmidt  ~

The sun was setting above the water's edge at the docks and for once in my life, I didn't have a posse of friends surrounding me. I'd gone to the beach with my girlfriend, Trinity, but she'd stormed off back to her house five minutes before, surrounded by a dark cloud of anger and hormones.

I didn't sweat it too much because I knew she needed me too much to leave for good. So instead of running after her like any other sensible guy with good taste would have done, I shoved my hands in my pockets and strolled along one of the docks.

There was a girl sitting at the end of it, her pink beach bike parked nearby. She carved away at an avocado with a tiny pocket knife, eating small chunks off the side of the blade as she went. By the time I, too, reached the end, the half shell of her avocado was almost hollow.

I wasn't planning on sticking around. Conversations with kids I've never met before has never really been my strong suit. Especially when I don't have my other friends around to help me out in case the conversation lags.

So I'd nearly reached the spot where the girl was sitting when I started to turn around again. It was about time I began making my way home, anyway.

But the girl's voice stopped me. All she said was, "William Schmidt," without even moving her head to look at me.

I turned back and waited for her to say something else. But she just swung her legs back and forth above the surface of the shimmering water and patted the wooden boards next to her.

I got the hint that she wanted me to sit, but I didn't move to take it. Finally, she turned, looked at me, smiled, and patted the dock again. I hesitantly sucked a stream of air between my two front teeth. Then I sat, very grudgingly.

"My name is Hannajoy Griffin," she said, giving me another smile. "And you're the 'popular guy' at Beachside Prep, William Schmidt."

I shrugged, trying to appear modest. "Um, sure, I guess."

She stared into my eyes for a second too long and I turned away. It was like she was seeing right through the facade I was trying to put on. I tensed up, as if that would help to protect my cool, nonchalant appearance.

"So, William Schmidt, what do you think?"
"Of... what?"

She gestured toward the vast, open sea and the setting sun. "This. Nature. The world outside your posse and social media."

Immediately, I was on the defensive. I almost retorted with, "What would you know about posses? What would you even know about friends?" but something in her expression made the words die on my lips. She didn't have a smug look on her face. She didn't shoot me with a malicious scowl. Her dark, brown eyes just continued staring out at the ocean, her demeanor calm and peaceful.

She wasn't goading me.

She was being genuine.

I shifted uncomfortably and gazed back out at the water. Finally, I responded, "It's cool. I guess."

"Cool," she repeated as if she'd never uttered the word before. "I suppose it is, in a way. But I would say it's more awe-inspiring than anything else, don't you think? Sometimes when I look out at the ocean, I can't help but feel horribly insignificant. Do you know what I mean?"

I shook my head hesitantly, wondering how on earth I had gotten myself into such an uncomfortable, philosophical discussion.

"Well," Hannajoy continued, "if you think of the ocean as if it were all the time in history, the time my life accounts for is equal to a tiny droplet of that water. Yours too. But it's crazy because even though my life is equivalent to a single drop in the ocean, I can still make all the difference in the world. It's crazy when you think about it like that, right?"

I didn't answer. I didn't know how to. Was this Hannajoy Griffin girl trying to send me some secret message? Was there a point she wanted me to grasp? Did she think she was being clever by telling me that my drop of water was equal to nothing and I didn't matter?

"What are you trying to say, exactly?" I asked, finally. "Are you trying to tell me that I should start doing something meaningful with my life so I count for something? I have enough people telling me that. You don't get to—"

"I'm not speaking in code if that's what you think is going on." A smile played at the corners of her lips as though she were amused. "I meant exactly what I said. It was only an observation I've made about life. No need for defense."

Again, I didn't know how to respond. So we both just sat there in silence, me brooding, and Hannajoy... well, I'm not sure what was going through her head at that moment. All I knew was that the girl was making me uncomfortable and freaking me out a little.

I stood up abruptly and wiped my damp palms against my basketball shorts before shoving them into the pocket of my sweatshirt. "Well, I have to leave. So..."

"I'll see you later, William Schmidt."

I was tempted to correct her, to tell her that no one actually called me that. My name is Will, and that's all. But I didn't want to spend another second feeling like I had no control over an awkward situation. So I turned and hightailed it out of there.

That was on a Tuesday evening. I noticed Hannajoy throughout the next couple of weeks, but we never said a word to each other. She was always alone, usually eating an avocado and doing homework.

She showed up tonight to the first basketball game of the season, though, and I noticed her sitting way up high in the bleachers from my view on the court. Once, she even glanced up from the book she was reading, and I couldn't help myself—I waved. She waved back and gave me another one of those smiles.