Why am I not scaerd of a overdose
I went over board in certain ways. Like the fact on how overthinking seems like the number 1 issue with me and my mentality.
Like for an example "Holy shit how the fuck did it get this bad?" That was my brain most of the time. Why was this the only thing I would think about? Why can't I think about laying next to a bitch on the roof of a house in Orland?
WHY!?
But I digress, I've always see myslef as that on to think more about situations. Like on some Doctor Strange, finding hella outcomes. I will depict shit on how it would be after whats going down.
(Erase my small ass.)
"Its like im her new nightmare, she aint escapeing, it makes me feel a bit complete."
-Kid Cudi(Man on the moon ll)
I find my own mind as the the one person with the answers. And of course my heart wouldnt help. My mind makes moves, actually thinks shit through. My heart focuses on my real feeling and what can boost my self esteem. For some particular reason.
I tend to ignore feelings and focus what I want to focus on.
WELCOME TO MY DESIRE OF SHIT...
BY: THE LONELY SPONGE (MYSLEF)
Back to what I was saying about my feelings. I tend to put whats important to me before me. If im all in, im all in. I dont focus on how I feel, what I need, what I desire. I have a hatred towards my feelings. That why I keep them inside.
I dont fucking know them. Not even well enough to know what im looking for. I know what I want but, what if it was just, well not what I expected.
What if I want to sign a contract to something I wouldn't expect. I would think I'd expected it knowing I think outside of the box.
Wrong,because feelings and my own mentality get the best of me. When I know shit hits the fan, I tend to not express. myself (which i'm not very good at). If i let my heart take control of any of my actions,
I'd regret trying......
I'd regret loosing my own smartness.
I'd regret it all.
Lol I need help...
