Healing (Blind Date Romance contest Winner)

The Push

I lay in bed, wrapped in the comfort of my blanket. The sun is shining through my curtains brightly, causing a glare on the TV, masking the constant replay of The Vow. In my hand, I hold a firm grip of the only picture of what I have left of my beloved Jason. I can't believe I lost everything in that late night fire but I'm forever grateful that I was able to salvage the last perfect shot of Jason's beautiful face. Mascara runs down my face like it does every other day, staining my deep, red cheeks as I stare through the frame in my hands. After an hour of holding my stare, I rest the picture frame back on the night stand and I lay back down on my bed, looking straight at the ceiling. My peace is interrupted by the front door bursting wide open. That could only be one person. 

"Melissa, I am tired of this crap. Seriously. It's been two years, you can't seriously believe that this behavior is healthy do you?" Kelly says, shoving a coffee towards my direction. I push it away but that only adds fuel to her fire. She slams the coffee down on the night stand and puts her hands on her hips, looking at me with disapproving eyes. "Are you ever gonna leave me alone?" I ask, pulling the covers up and over my face. She snatches the covers and rips them right off of me and throws them on the floor. "No, I'm not. I am here to be a friend and if I am going to be a real friend, I have got to pull you away from this sad state and allow you to free yourself." She says with genuine concern in her eyes. 

I know this isn't healthy whatsoever, but I can't help it. I'm so lost without Jason. He was my everything. He gave me reasons to live, he pushed me further than any one had ever pushed me. My life was everything and then some. It was the perfect life. Every night before bed Jason would tell me the same thing before he rolled over to get some sleep. "Your beautiful Melissa." It's crazy how such simple words have had such a lasting effect on me. He knew everything about me and I knew everything about him. My world came tumbling down when I came home to find Jason face down on the bedroom floor. I thought maybe he was day drinking and was passed out on the floor again. I giggled at the sight of him. I shoved him a little and called his name. Instead of the usual grunt here and there, he stayed silent. I shoved him a few more times but still received no response. I pushed with all my might to move this 250 pound man over and revealed the minute my life was over. 

Jason's lips were blue and his cheeks were cold to the touch. I fell back against the wall and covered my mouth. Shock began to take over me. I called 911 and barely managed to utter my address to the operator before hanging up. His heart gave out is what they kept telling me but I continued to be in denial.  I stayed in that shocked state for almost three weeks. I never left my bed, I don't even remember getting up to even use the restroom. After two months of no daylight, Kelly dragged me out of the house and forced me to see her doctor. The depression pills helped me slightly. Instead of the usual bed rest 24 hours a day, the medication allowed me to go back to work and pick up a few of the pieces from the ground. The happiness I expressed at work dissipated as the day went on and was completely gone by the time I got home. 

"Melissa, please just hear me out and don't be upset with me when I tell you this." Kelly says as she takes a seat on the bed next to me, resting her hand on my leg. I am pretty sure that I do not want to hear what she is about to say. "It's time to move on. You can't keep living your life like this." She says as she points out my room full of old take out orders and piles of laundry cluttering the floor. I take in the scene and even though I do not want to admit it, I know she is right. I'm a complete disaster. I have tried to get up and live my life normally, trust me I really have. But the moment I get up and even try to do something that resembles a normal life, guilt takes over me. I feel wrong for trying to move on and heal myself. I feel like I will be doing Jason wrong by moving forward and living selfishly. 

"Jason wouldn't want to keep seeing you like this, you know this don't you? Your happiness is what kept him going." Kelly says to me with a smile. I manage to smile back and sigh heavily trying to collect myself. I reach for my coffee and nod to her, thanking her for the drink. I chug the warm coffee, allowing it to bring some life into my veins. I look over to Jason's picture and I notice something is different about it now. The tightness in my chest loosens a bit and I feel somewhat relieved, almost like I was released of my worries. 

I look over at Kelly who has begun to clean up the mess around my room, tripping over the mountains that have formed around the place. "You can decline my offer like you do every other time but we have plans at the center and I really, really need you to come. It'll be good for you." She says. I continue to stare at Jason's picture for a few more moments before answering. 

"Alright, I'll go." I say sighing and she smiles and claps her hands in excitement.