until we meet again

Sadness

"You didn't think I was gonna miss this, did you?"

Regina jolts awake as tears run down her face. After a few seconds of confusion, all the memories came back in a flash. Rumple. The realms. The coronation. Emma. She shakes her head to ward off the haze left over from sleep. 

'Emma', she sighed, while trying to dry her tears. That woman knows how to make an entrance. She knew exactly in what moment she had to walk in to make Regina's heart skip a few beats. When she didn't see her in the crowd, her smile disappeared. When Snow told her that she was with the baby, her heart broke, for the millionth time. Regina and Emma had spent 2 weeks together with Henry on his graduation trip and that meant a lot to Regina. But clearly not to Emma. All the late night conversations, all the small talks and even the big talks. All the times that their tension got so tight that Regina had to leave Emma because she wouldn't be able to control herself. All these memories, for nothing. 

But there she was. Thinking about last night made Regina cry even more. She tried to stay strong in front of Emma. She tried not to care that she had brought Hook with her to the coronation. She tried. And she succeeded. But as soon as she got home, she started crying. Crying because of the fact that Emma did show up, the fact that she called her madame Mayor again, the fact that she hugged her and looked her right in the eyes. But she was also crying because of the fact that she misses Emma while she isn't her to miss, the fact that she dreams about Emma while she isn't hers to dream about, the fact that she loves her while she isn't hers to love. 

Regina slowly got out of bed, only to realize that her night robe was soaked. Soaked of tears and sweat because she had been dreaming about Emma all night. As she walked to her staircase, she started thinking: 'What would Emma and Hook be doing now? Would they be sleeping? Taking care of baby Hope? Or would they be making love? Would they be making love right now? Is he running his hands through her hair while kissing her neck? Is he kissing her all the way from her neck to her lower belly?' She tried to shake off those thoughts but they kept coming back. She kept thinking about how Hook was able to kiss her, sleep next to her, pleasure her and make love to her while Regina could only dream about doing that. Regina went downstairs to drink water and refresh herself, but nothing could keep Emma off her mind. She grabbed her coat, put on her red heels and slammed her front door behind her. 

******

"What are you talking about? Can you please be reasonable?", Emma asked Hook, while hugging baby Hope, trying to get her to sleep .

"I am talking about how you were talking to her, how she was talking to you! How you hugged her and smiled like I've never seen you smile. I have never seen you act this clumsy with anyone. I'm talking about all of that!", Hook yelled. As Emma tried to calm him down, he kept going. "What happened during your graduation trip? What did she do? Did she hurt you?"

God no, Killian, nothing happened, I promise. That's what Emma was thinking. But she couldn't say any of this, she couldn't even look him in the eye. She went to the bathroom and locked herself inside, together with baby Hope, who wouldn't stop crying. 

"Once upon a time a song inspired them, be brave
They gave me up because my fate
Was as the one who'd save", Emma started singing, trying to calm Hope down, but nothing worked. She kept on crying and screaming, which led to Emma crying as well. What is wrong, love? Please, I'm hopeless, she stumbled. No response, of course. After a few minutes,she heard someone knocking on the bathroom door. It was Killian, asking her to leave the bathroom and talk to him, he tried to talk as soft and as gentle as possible, but you could still hear the anger. Emma slowly unlocked the door and walked out, but she didn't even look at him. She didn't even care, not anymore. She grabbed her coat, put on her sneakers and left. "I'm going on a walk to calm her down", is the only thing she yelled, right before closing the front door.

******

Regina had been walking in Storybrooke for over 30 minutes now, but she wasn't planning to go back very soon. The cold, soggy night air calmed her down and made her think clear. The smell of Storybrooke never failed to make her happy. She passed by Granny's, The Church and The Library but she felt like there was another place she had to go to, another place she had to take a look at before going home. As she was walking towards the old sheriff station, she heard someone talking, a soft angelic voice. "Shush, baby 'c mon, what's wrong?"  She heard someone whisper, but the whispers became louder and louder. Regina started walking towards the noise and walked around the corner until she saw her standing there. Emma Swan stood there, taking care of crying baby Hope, all by herself. She stood there with her back towards Regina, her blonde middle-long hair was moving along with the wind, and she was sobbing. Regina just stood there, watching her for a while, but she couldn't say a word. Her throat was dry, her voice disappeared, not a single word could be formed and she couldn't move. She tried to walk away after a few minutes, trying to be silent, because today had been too much to handle, and she couldn't risk Emma seeing her and rejecting her again. As Regina was sneaking out of there, she accidentally stepped on a loose brick, which caused her to fall and smack her head on the ground. Emma noticed and turned around. While Regina tried to get up Emma walked towards her and looked right in the eyes. And all Regina could see, was sadness. Pure sadness.