Falling In Love With "Her"

Two

Recent past.....

It was all dark, gloomy and clouded. His mind overtaken by his own hate his burning desire for self elliminnation, his guilt and his stupidity.
He had given her his all,yet she decided he was of no use to her anymore.

So she decided to pull the plug on him.

Plunged into darkness now, his thoughts take the better of him.
His mentality fading slowly. He was becoming less of who he was by the day.
To his friends he just smiled as of normal, the ever-happy looking dude who never failed to come up with a sex joke in every situation,so intense that it took them 3 minutes to understand.
He "looked" happy, showing that nothing had changed while internally, his own thoughts mocked him over and over again. "You were foolish enough to get tricked idiot!", "Useless piece of shit!", "What did you get in return ?..... Just solitude".

His parents were not used to this new version of him. He was moody since day one but now it was worse. Now he was out of control, he burst into flames spontaneously taking his pent up rage on whoever seemed to be near to him at that point in time. They expirienced hate in his actions,his every word seemed to be filled with a sudden gust, a serious unfriendly "stay away from me" feel.

He kept staring at the wall.
Just staring.

When they attempted to talk to him he would snap out of it sort of like he was in a trance.
He looked weak it wasn't apparent but somehow He exibitted an aura of weakness. The smiles, the happiness in his jokes that brought all of them together were no longer.
He didn't eat. Nor did he work like he used to. Definitely something had happened and yet when they ask, he smiles brightly and says "Ahh! No big deal!".

But maybe it 'was' a big deal ! Nobody ever considers the possibility of something like 'that' happening. Even if they did they wouldn't understand what it feels like. Used and disposed maybe that's  why he's upset. But either way this was more than what he could bear. Every second seemed to be an agonizing day and he walked around half brain dead letting his thoughts consume him. Thoughts of suicide run over his messed up head.

"End yourself you worthless shit!", "You're a burden to your entire family", "Look at how much they've cared and this is what they get in return?," Maybe it was stupid to end himself but how can anyone tell him not to, they couldnt possibly know how it feels like anyway. Neither did they care.
All everyone wanted is to make use if him. They maintained contact with him also only to do so.

With these thoughts revolving in his mind he went into a slumber. He saw no dreams,it was just an empty dark slumber just like what he had become now empty,dark . He wished he would never wake up, not again to "regret" what he had done to himself. Every thought replaying in his mind seemed to stab him,physically agonizing him. He tried diverting his mind but it was of no use everything reminds him of "it" again and again. He still had the scars from the last time he took it out in the wall.
Blood red his knuckles had become.
He couldn't even write anymore but somehow he did.........
He didn't know anymore, he didnt care either he just wanted this to end ...........

To be continued .