In That Moment- A Chicago PD FanFiction

Chapter 21

Jay's P.O.V.

It's been a weird couple of weeks, I don't think I've fully adjusted to the fact I'm going to be a dad. Me and Erin are actually going to be parents. I've woken up to an empty bed again and I can see the bathroom light on down the hall. This whole morning sickness thing is really getting to Erin. I roll out of bed and go to get her a glass of water, just like I do nearly every morning. I walk in to the bathroom behind her and pass the glass of water to her, rubbing her back gently as she stands up. She takes the water and smiles gratefully at me, leaning against me. "We'd better get ready then.." She says, rolling her eyes a little. I smile at her, I've never known Erin not want to be at work, but these last few days she's been getting more and more reluctant, I guess it's something to do with being up at all hours with morning sickness. "I guess so!" I laugh, turning to walk back into the bedroom. I smile to myself as I catch her reflection in the mirror. She's barely showing, it's only because I know it's there it's more obvious to me. She catches my eye in the mirror and smiles. "Stop staring!" She laughs, picking up a pillow and throwing it at me.

She's still teasing me as we walk up the steps to intelligence. Everyone looks up as we walk in, our voices sounding loud in the silence of the room. Apparently we're late again.. We sit down at our desks, waiting for Voight to start talking. I'm really hoping there's nothing too serious for us to deal with. I thought I worried about Erin too much before I found out she was pregnant, now every time we put our vests on and head out my stomach churns, all I can think of are the what if's. It's irrational, she's perfectly capable of doing her job still, and she'd probably kill me if I suggested otherwise, but I still worry about her.

I snap back in to reality, Voight starting to talk. "Ok, listen up. We need to be careful-" He stops talking as Erin suddenly stands up from her desk, running out of the room. Everyone's eyes follow her then look at me. "Morning sickness." I clarify and Voight smiles at me. I'm thankful he's taken this so well, I was worried he was going to kick off, but he seems genuinely happy for us. Erin's back a few minutes later. "Sorry...." she mutters sliding back behind her desk and taking a sip of water. Voight's eyes linger on her for a moment before he carries on.

Erin's P.O.V.

This whole morning sickness thing needs to end. It's not even morning sickness, it's just general sickness at all times of the day, when it's least convenient. Like now, Jay's driving us to a small shop to interview the owner. He's speaking but I'm not listening to what he's saying, I'm far too focused on holding on to what remains of the breakfast he forced me to eat. I take a big sip of water as he parks the car outside the shop. This is going to be a long day. "Are you ok?" Jay asks me, putting a hand on my arm. I turn and smile at him, nodding. He worries too much. "I'm fine, stop worrying." This is going to be a long 6 months if Jay's going keep worrying,

By the time we get back to the car I'm exhausted. We've spent the whole day going round in circles, following various leads. It feels like we've been to every street in Chicago- and now we have to fill in all the paper work. I lean my head against the window as Jay drives us back to the district, closing my eyes. Clearly I end up falling asleep despite my best efforts, Jay nudges me awake as he parks up. "Come on sleepy." He laughs, getting out of the car.

I try and shake myself awake, I need to finish this paperwork despite the fact I want nothing more than my bed at this precise moment. I'd been adamant I'd be able to work almost right up until I had the baby, but I'm starting to realise I'm not super woman. I lean my head on my hands, trying to find the will to finish this. My eyes wander to the small black and white image thats lying on the top of my computer. I smile to myself, running my fingers over the image of our baby. I look up and Jay catches my eye and smiles at me, I know he's probably looking at exactly the same image.

It's weird, it hadn't really seemed like reality, the fact there was actually a baby in there until I saw the image on the screen. Lying on that bed, listening to the sound of our baby's heartbeat was surreal. My hand finds its way down to rest on my stomach subconsciously, it's just a natural reaction now. My fingers rest on the tiny little bump that's starting to form there. I should really be getting on with this paperwork, but I can't keep my mind focused on the words in front of me, my mind keeps wandering to thoughts of my unborn child. Eventually I manage to finish the paperwork, all though half it probably makes no sense at all, I look up at Jay and find he's sitting there waiting for me. "Let's go." I say, standing up and putting my jacket on. He nods, standing up and walking towards the stairs with me, an arm around my waist. I smile happily, despite my worries when I first found out I'm pretty sure that everything's going to work out ok.

We get back to my apartment and order take out food, there's nothing in the fridge to cook yet again. I really need to start buying some food, we're going to have to remember to go shopping at some point. We settle on pizza, one of the more normal cravings I've been having. Jay is finding the whole thing far too funny, having found me stood in the kitchen eating nutella out of the tub at 2am the other day. I'm glad he hasn't seen some of the other things I've been eating, he'd never let me live it down.

We sit down on the sofa after we've eaten, neither of us really saying much. His hands brush gently over my bare skin and I smile, leaning in closer towards him. I'm trying to keep my mind positive, I can do this, I can be a good parent- but there's a little bit of me that's worried I'm not cut out for this. Much to my dismay my eyes are filling with tears. I try desperately to blink them back before Jay notices, but I'm too late. "Hey what's wrong?" He asks sounding worried as he looks down at me. I try and choke back my tears. "Just hormones..." I say, trying to shrug it off, but he doesn't accept it. I rest my head against his shoulder, wiping the tears from my eyes. "What if I'm not a good Mom Jay? What if I turn out like my Mother?" I whisper, voicing my worst fears for the first time.