Not a Mere Coincidence

Prologue

One year ago...

I shake Sasha's shoulders and try to get him out of his trance. He's conflicted, distracted, and it's all my fault. If only I'd waited to tell him until after his competition.

"Sasha, look at me," I plead desperately, knowing his routine will start in a few seconds.

His eyes meet mine for only a second before turning away, "Quit worrying about me. I've done dozens of competitions, so obviously I can do this. You not having confidence in me isn't helping. Shut up and go sit down."

I recognize his rude comments as a defense mechanism. Whenever he gets sad, he threatens people and lashes out, "Sasha, I didn't say that-" I begin, but Sasha simply scoffs and skates out into the middle of the ice rink, ignoring me from that point out. "Do your best!" I call out. My son doesn't bother to acknowledge me.

Instead, he skates in a few circles before getting into his first pose. Sasha may have been ice skating for eleven years now, but he's still impulsive and gives into his emotions.

He'd forced me to tell him where his father was despite the fact that he already knew Iosif was sick. His condition has worsened today, making this the first competition he hasn't gone to watch his son in.

Over the past year, we'd gone through a lot. Iosif had learned he had leukemia. My husband had gone from being a strong, muscular beauty, to pale and unable to move on his own. His condition and treatment has taken its toll on both Sasha and I.

The music to Sasha's short program begins, but my son doesn't move. Sasha's Japanese coach begins to freak out, calling out to my son immediately, "Sasha! The music has started!"

Sasha snaps forward and I immediately notice the red that has flooded his cheeks. He's never messed up that bad before. Nonetheless, the program continues on.

He gets back into the beat of the jazz-like music he's chosen. He'd practiced this program for hours daily. Missing a bit of the step sequence at the beginning wouldn't hurt him too much. After all, this is Sasha's debut to the senior division. He's one of the youngest to be let in at age fifteen. He isn't going to give up that easily.

Sasha's beginning step sequence comes to an end and he begins his first jump, "And now, for his first jump is a combination triple toe loop followed by a double toe loop," The announcer booms in the arena.

My son starts off backwards and throws himself into his jumps gracefully. "Yes! He's landed it! And the judges don't seem to be making any deductions. Beautiful and flawless skating from Novikoff, as always."

Despite having landed those jumps, I notice that he looks uneasy. He's never been so wobbly on the ice before, "His second jump is a triple salchow. We'll see if he lands it."

Sasha starts off forward but then expertly turns backwards, doing several cross overs before beginning his entrance to the jump. He throws himself into it with a motion that seems more forced than his usual, natural self. "It seems like they are giving him full points for that jump!"

I feel my phone vibrate against my pocket and immediately begin to panic. There can only be one reason for the call. I step away from the ice rink and my son, picking up my phone and sliding my thumb right to answer. A female voice can be heard on the other end, "Mr. Novikoff? I'm sorry to inform you, but your husband has passed away. We need you to come to the hospital as soon as possible."

As soon as the words reach my brain, I can't believe them. My whole body goes numb and I feel like throwing up. Several seconds later, the tears breach through and begin to pour relentlessly from my eyes. I fall back against the concrete wall for support, my knees almost giving out. His condition had worsened but this was something I hadn't expected, especially since they told me he was doing better.

I slam my fist against the wall and ignore the intense pain that shoots up my arm. When I pull my hand away and grab onto it, I realize it's bleeding. Nothing is as painful as Iosif being gone, though.

The first thought that comes to mind is that I lied to him. I told him I'd be there if he left this world. I'd hold his hand and sing him a song. Instead, I'm on the opposite side of town and I didn't even get to say goodbye.

My thoughts shift to how my son will be affected. All of the scenarios result in him hating me for the rest of his life. I realize that if I'm gone for too long, Sasha will suspect something is up. I wipe the tears from my eyes desperately and hurry back to the edge of the rink, several emotions flooding me all at once. Suddenly, the world feels overwhelming and I can hardly stand it.

Sasha has finished the first half of the program and is now moving into his flying sit spin sequence. Before he does so, his eyes meet mine and his skates wobble beneath him as he recognizes the look on my face that I haven't been able to conceal. I realize that coming out at this exact moment was a mistake; I should've stayed hidden.

Sasha's performance goes downhill from there. He finishes his sit spin just fine. However, when he attempts to do another jump, this time a lutz, he doesn't get enough speed. I realize it's because there are tears in his eyes and he's lost all of his concentration. His leg gives out as he lands the jump wrong, causing him to fall face first into the ice. There is a loud smack that echoes through the now silent audience.

I gasp, hating seeing Sasha tumble to the bottom within mere seconds. I notice his nose is bleeding as he fights to stand up. Only then do I realize that he has hurt his leg and can't go on. I want to call out to him and tell him to stop, but I know he's to stubborn to listen. I watch silently, my hand over my mouth as he attempts his quad flip. With only one leg to push off of, he can't even begin to get into it and falls yet again.

This time, Sasha doesn't get up. I feel tears streaming from my eyes as I see my son fall apart before my eyes. The music stops and two large men skate out to help him up. He lies limp in their arms as they drag him off the ice and into my arms.

I hold him tightly and he begins to sob hard against my chest. Before too much of a scene can be made, I carry him out of the public eye and into the locker room. He pushes me away from him as soon as I set him down, trying desperately to take his skates off.

He can't do it, though, and I finally step in and do it for him. "It's over. My career is over..." Sasha closes his eyes tightly and sobs.

"No, it's not. Besides, it's not your fault. I should've told you after your competition so you wouldn't worry about anything. This is all my selfish fault. I couldn't keep it in. I was so worried and I wanted to stay with you and I just..."

"Maddox, where is he? Is he...." Sasha begins, but I can't bring myself to look at him, "Dad, tell me!" He pushes me backwards before I can finish taking off his skates.

When I meet his gaze, it's all over for me. I can't hold it in and I begin to cry along with him, "He was fine yesterday, I don't know what happened. They told me his heart stopped and I just..." I wipe the tears from my cheeks and grab my son's skate yet again, "Let me take it off, we need to go see him." Sasha doesn't fight me anymore, sitting still with his face buried in his hands.

This day would change our lives forever. I would never feel as happy. I thought I'd found my place in life with a stable job, a loving husband, and a son with a fiery attitude. However, things ended before I could truly appreciate them.

Everyone tells me that things like this happen for a reason, but why does it feel like bad things just keep happening over? The world is trying to crush me mercilessly. What have I done to deserve this?