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LET GO -
The last hours that I successfully passed was so unbelievably long and I was so mentally destroyed right now.
I did pull my hair, I did scream a lot before noticing that I needed to at least shut up since I wasn't really alone in this big fucking hospital. Even if it felt like I was alone, waiting for something to happen, waiting for news about my sister, but it really felt lonely.
After blaming myself for hours, I was halfway into sleep with a dull expression plastered on my bloated face, my eyes staring out in the air and if someone would like to look at my eyes, they would shiver from the cold feeling.
I was deadly alive. Waiting for a miracle. Even though the state I met my sister in made me less hopeful, less of the me everyone knew, less about my father. That man lost my respect the day he raised his hand over my sister.
Everyone else would probably blame the father in this situation but I blamed myself. Because it was partly my fault too. I didn't stop it. I didn't punch my father for raising his hand on my ten year old sister five years ago. I didn't say a thing.
I didn't comfort my sister. I even ignored her at times. Especially on the nights when she cried. I faked my sleep and left early in the morning, even if her eyes pleaded me to eat some of her delicious food.
I never acted like her brother. I never gave her love. Yet she loved me, dearly. Being the younger one, she must have been so lonely, without her mother, abused by her father and ignored by her brother.
I smashed my head against the wall as another salty tear rolled down my cheek. I closed my eyes tightly, in hopes of disappearing from this world, in hopes for a peaceful world, a paradise where my mother was, where my sister would be happy, where my father would be the loving fisherman he used to be, where I could play saxophone and just forget about fears.
But when I opened my eyes, I met a blurry long white hallway, chairs against the walls and different numbers on doors, the annoying smell of medication was in the air and I hit my head against the wall harder, groaning when I felt the pain.
I felt a pair of eyes on me and I just tried to ignore it but the feeling got more intense, so I subtly looked at the person who was staring at me. One thing disturbed me. The boy looked sugary pale, with black piercing eyes, a tattoo on his neck, a long hospital gown on, blueish lips and dark hair, he looked handsome but at the same time sick.
He deserved some pity, but why was his eyes shouting pity while he was staring at me? My breath hitched when he raised his brow, my eyes darted away and I panicked. Soon I heard him softly sigh as he left.
He did look thin too. Like really thin. My dried tears started to feel itchy and I scratched them softly, with my mind absent.
How come he made me forget my regret, my pain and my situation in just a matter of few seconds?
Suddenly the door opened up and I flew up of my chair, almost crying when I fortunately saw the doctor.
"D-dr Hwan-ng! How is s-she?!"
I asked as I desperately grabbed his hand, trying to approach him in all ways, reading his expression, feeling how he was feeling, the air, a little of everything.
"Taehyung-ah..."
His tone was low as his eyes were looking down for some reason. I shook my head as I smiled pathetically.
"She is fine right? Right? RIGHT?"
He shook his head as I saw him stiffen up as he parted his lips.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for your loss"
And I felt my hands let go of him, my pieces of heart left scattering and my tears forming,
as I fell down to my knees.
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seventeenth chapter :( It's so fucking hard to write my feelings down, I feel like I get caught up with them. God this is actually inspired by one of my hyyh/wings theories so dammmmn :D
