Dear Diary,

Entry #4

5:14 p.m. 26/4/04

I was still getting ready for him to come and pick me up for prom. I had my blondish brunette hair down, and it was curly. I had done my makeup like how I always liked to do it. I had red lip stain on, with some light foundation, black eyeliner on my waterline and lightly on my upper eyelid, and a slick black mascara. My blush didn’t look too harsh mixed with the bronzer. I seem really girly right now, don’t I? I cleaned up the fallout off of my face before putting on my dress so I wouldn’t tarnish the dress. The dress I was quickly slipping into was a pale blue that was slick around the waist, yet flared around the hips. My shoes were downstairs, so I wasn’t planning on putting them on quite yet. I looked down at my wrist at the obvious scar that I inflicted a few months ago, and put some foundation and concealer on it to cover it up some. I touched up my hair after it was fuzzy from putting my dress on. I put in a clip that Andy had given me a while back, and I know he’s always wanted me to find a reason to wear it. I finished putting it in, and I smiled into the mirror. The frantic knocks on the door made me jump. “Are you almost ready?” I heard my sister yell from behind the other side of the door. “Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute, can you toss me up my shoes?” I requested, before my sister ran as fast as she could back down the stairs. My sister was 24 by now. I opened the door and peaked around the corner, waiting for my shoes. I saw the shoes fly up the stairs like angry bats. I managed to catch them, fortunately. Thanks to my panty hose, the shoes slipped on nicely. I had thoughts running through my mind about tonight; it’s either gonna be the best night ever, or the worst night of my life. Me, being the type of girl that doesn’t typically find men like Channing Tatum, Gerard Butler, or Josh Hutcherson attractive, and doesn’t typically wear makeup or pretty, frilly dresses, or even didn’t expect to ever be involved in a relationship, I look pretty dang good, and I seem to be doing pretty well. “He’s here! I’ll text you when you should come downstairs!” My sister yelled, before running back down the stairs as fast as her little legs could carry her. I could feel my stomach start to turn, and the butterflies filled my tummy. I pressed my ear up against the door so I could hear the conversations downstairs. It was all really just soft mumbling, but I could hear laughing, and aw-ing. I heard my phone buzz and I glanced down at it. It was time. I opened the door, and I could hear everyone fall silent. I slowly started making my way down the stairs, and everything, besides my walking, seemed to be in slow motion. The way Andy looked at me when he saw me, the way I smiled and blushed as I looked to the ground, it felt as if I were in a movie. I looked down as I watched every step I took. I watched the way I swayed down the steps. I slowly looked up at everyone again. I loved the way my mom seemed to get teary eyed, the way my sister seemed to glorify over the fact that her little sister is growing up, the way Andy seemed to drool. I was taking it all in, when Andy suddenly interrupted the intake. “You look...beautiful.” He seemed to stutter. I finally made my way to the bottom of the stairs, and Andy took my hand. “We’d better start heading out. We do have time for a few pictures if you’d like, m’am.” He explained, politely. “Come over by the fireplace so we can take some.”My mom said, running into the den excitedly. We posed for about 50 pictures, at the least before walking out the door arm in arm.

I’ll skip the car ride, as nothing important happened. Just some road rage, a few kisses, and a few “I love you.” ‘s and “You look so beautiful.” ‘s.

When we arrived, it seemed as if some of my close friends seemed to topple me over with hugs, and kisses on the cheek, while Andy seemed to watch. “Guys, you’ve met Andy, right?” I asked, trotting towards my knight in shining armor. I stood by his side; he ended up putting his arm around my waist while we did introductions. Andy was obviously in a few grades higher than me, so I wouldn’t blame many of my friends for not knowing him. We stood around for a couple more pictures since we had promised my friends that we would arrive early. We did a few formal poses, poses with our dates, and a LOT of hilarious, joke poses.

It was finally about to start. Every girl’s dream. I was walking into the place where I could look beautiful, feel beautiful, dance like no one’s watching and not care, and smell the fragrance of too much perfume and gym clothes. Although, when the smell first smacks you in the face, it smells like teen spirit. I looked up at Andy, who’d seem to finally be finding people he knew. After we had got in, he asked for permission to go say hello to his friends, as if I were his mother. I walked through the corridor with my girls into the main room. From the first three songs I heard playing whilst I was sitting down, I could tell they were actually playing a variety of different songs. I first heard some Britney Spears, to Blink-182, to OneRepublic. I bobbed my head along to the pop songs, and caught myself a few times singing them too. Everywhere I went though, I could see the preps staring at me; they weren't staring at me in amazement. They were all staring at me in what seemed like disgust, and they all mocked me. All my friends told me to ignore them and have a good time, and they're right. Have you ever felt so lonely, even though there are plenty of people around you? Because that's how I feel right now. All I want is him.

   I saw Andy arrive to my table about 15 minutes after arriving in the main room. He could already tell I had been teary eyed. "Babe, come here." He said into my ear. He started helping me up out of my chair before I stopped him. "Let me tell them where I'm going, okay?" He looked at everyone else at the table, then nodded. "Meet me in that closet over there within the next five minutes, okay?" He told me, pointing in the direction of the broom closet nearest to a window. I nodded, and told him that I loved him as he trotted away to closet. I turned to look at my friends. "Y'all gonna have a seven minutes in heaven?" My friend, Jessica, joked. I returned the laugh and shook my head. "He didn't tell me why." I told them, even though I was positive about what he was gonna talk to me about. I decided to grab the both of us drinks and bring them back to Andy and I. I walked over to the drink station, trying my best to ignore the snappy remarks being said as I passed. As I was pouring my drink, I could hear the clan of high heels, and the heavy scent of perfume flood around me. I turned around, praying there would be time for me to escape, but of course, nope. "Hey freak. Thanks for the drinks." The leader of the pack, Nicole, said before taking the drinks out of my hands. She gave them a whiff, then threw the drinks all over me, causing me makeup to run, my hair and dress to get ruined, and the foundation to run off my wrists. "Look! The freak slits her wrists! I wonder why? Maybe because she's pathetic?" "Maybe because she's ugly as hell." "Maybe because she's fat." "Just kill yourself!"

I've had enough. I took off my shoes, threw them at Nicole's face, and ran out of the main room. I felt the cold run down my face. I don't wanna say that they were tears, because my face was so numb that I couldn't tell. I was running. I could feel every rock, stone, and piece of trash I stepped on. I tripped and fell a few times, and a few times I didn't wanna get up, and just rot there. Every minute I spent running, I could feel another reason to break down.

I finally made it to a place where I could be alone.

Alone.