INFJ

This Is Me

A year ago I took a MBTI quiz and got INFP. Since then I have been living my life believing I was an INFP and even starting to force myself to act more like that type. About half a year after that I took another quiz and got INFx, which got me thinking but I still denied it. A few months ago I took a quiz at a friends house and got INFJ, of which I instantly dismissed and blamed that fact that I was surrounded by people (because I can't focus sometimes when in public). A few weeks ago I took another quiz and got INFJ. This time I thought that maybe it was real, so I went into research mode and exchanged messages with my INTJ friend. After a day or two of identity crisis I finally felt comfortable saying that I am an INFJ. 

I think what made me take so many different tests was just that something deep inside me still didn't accept INFP. I used to identify with the INFP descriptions online, but I never really felt connected to the INFPs around me. Then when I discovered INFJs I felt understood but on a more deeper level. 

It still freaks me out sometimes that I'm not an INFP and I go through phases of wishing I was still an INFP and others of being so happy with my new (real) identity. 

So thats my backstory and now I'm here writing to you as an INFJ.

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I always thought my way of thinking was normal. But apparently people don't have a million voices in their heads?? I think that's one of my favourite parts about myself; I just love how beautiful the world inside my head is. Okay this is weird but when I just wrote that the picture I saw in my head to explain my brain was: seen from behind a person standing in a cave that was made of wires instead of rocks, and the cave over looked this Dystopian type world with multiple flying objects and it looked kind of like Times Square but more space age. That's my brain I guess, it's very visual. Sometimes when I do things my brain imagines what I look like whilst doing it, and it usually it is in a film format (with shots, focus, lighting and sometimes background music). 

When I'm alone I come up with new concepts. These concepts usually are new ideas for books/movies/tv or ways to solve global issues. But mainly think of film ideas which will have hidden meanings of how to fix society. Literally my perfect day would be me alone on a beach ankle deep in the ocean thinking, whilst my family and friends are somewhere far enough that they can't watch me and close enough so I can hear them laughing. I love the ocean it's where I can really concentrate and think things through. The shower has a similar feel but although it is convenient in location it can never replicate the peace the ocean brings me. It also costs money (sorry about the water bills, beautiful parents).

Sometimes I forget that people can't enter my brain. Apparently it's a trait that INFJs can pick up on others true intentions and emotions. I honestly thought everyone could do this and that people were really bad at hiding things (sorry people who I have secretly have gotten frustrated with!). But apparently not. I suppose I'm happy about this because I seem to try to hide my feelings anyway. I know that sharing things is supposed to make you feel better but with me when someone else knows I just feel worse. Like if I have a funny story and tell someone and then I pick up that they aren't interested I feel that I annoyed them by talking to much. But I'm kinda happy I know this, no point them being fake to please me. Also if it's something deeper, I get scared that they'll never forget it and will always be disappointed in me for this thing. Lectures about things I already know but haven't mastered in the real world yet aren't fun. Because I'm such a private person EVERYTHING I tell people requires a certain amount of trust (even something as simple what I want to do with my hair after I graduate (I want to get under lights in a crazy colour)). Then because of everyones "lets share everything" mentality they feel the need to tell other people about my life. And I dunno it kinda... hurts when I find out they've told everyone what I told them. Let's use the example of my hair again, so I'd happily tell everyone on this planet about my plan, but if say my friend tells someone that I want to do that something in my stomach just dies(?). Are y'all confused yet?? Haha

Just small disclaimer though: I don't blame people for this, I understand that we're all different. If anything I blame myself for being so sensitive.

Linking from that stomach dying thing, I'm really feeling based. Like when someone I care about says they're hurt, I feel a physical pain inside me. It's like my heart stops and I feel terrible for them. Even if it's just a little paper cut!!

Then also I have a tendency of when someone starts crying I start crying and on the flip side, is when someone is laughing I will not be able to resist the urge to laugh. 

Literally I catch emotions as if they were a disease.

You're stressed? I'm stressed. You're angry? I'm angry. You're excited? Guess what, me too. 

I could probably go on for hours (or maybe write a Wattpad book (; )attempting to describe the weird processes that go on in my INFJ brain, but for now that's where I'll leave it. I hope you enjoyed this. Please comment and tell me if I'm insane!!!

<3