The Reality of my Dream

Chapter Forty-Three: The Moon has Never Shined

{A/N: Sorry... this is kind of just a filler chapter... XP But! If I feel up to it I might do a double update! So you know... no worries. Well, even though it's kind of short... enjoy! Love you all! <3 ~Dee}

Chapter 43: The Moon has Never Shined.

It was fourth period and as much as I tried to focus on kickball, I just couldn’t. Focus was not something I had at that point in time.

“Mason!” Mrs. Brenner called and jolted me from my out-of-it moment.

“Yeah?” I asked as I pulled my hair to tighten my ponytail.

“You’re up.”

I gave her a small smile as I made my way to the plate. Aaron, whom was pitching shot me a concerned look and mouthed a ‘you okay?’ I nodded slightly and used my eyes to signal for him to roll it so I could get it over with. The roll was not even close for my liking so I let it pass. I thought about my father and started to get slightly mad. I wish that I could just let him pass, but I guess that’s what I’d be able to do after tonight. I ground my teeth and nodded for Aaron to roll it. I pictured the ball as the man I hated the most and did to him what I would wish I could do tonight, I set him soaring through the air with a giant, anger-filled kick which sent him flying out of the field and I made it home, accidentally running into the third basemen in my path.

My teammates cheered me on and gave me a row of highfives as got to home plate. Aaron was smiling broadly in his spot and I tightened my ponytail one last time before boobs-a-lot, ‘bubblegum’ girl  Izzabelle went up to ‘kick the ball’. Needless to say, my team was on the field again before Aaron even rolled the ball.

“Good kick today Lyns.” Kimmy smiled before she ran past me to meet up with Rose. I laughed slightly as I watched her. I felt a warm, slightly sweaty hand slip into mine, and I looked over at Aaron who stood to my right.

“Hey L.” he walked closer to me to make our sides bump as we walked.

“Hi.” I said and looked forward as we walked through the grass, “Your hand is sweaty.” I took my hand out of his and wiped it on his shirt. He laughed as we continued towards the door.

“You okay? You seem kind of not-with-it.” he asked softly.

“I’m okay.” I shrugged.

“Really?” his eyebrow arched, “Alex told me you said that nine squared was eighty-five today in math.”

I bit my lip and thought back to my really stupid math error this morning.

He chuckled and ruffled my hair a little, “You know that nine squared is eig-”

“Yeah. Eighty-one. I know.” I huffed and pushed him to the side.

“So come on,” our stride slackened, “what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.” I laughed and smiled as I bumped into his side.

“L.” he whispered.

I shook my head as we made our way through the doorway to the school and Aaron continued to pester me about what was wrong. I was about to go into the locker room, but his large hand wrapped around my upper arm and turned me to him, “Please tell me.”

I sighed, “I don’t know what you are talking about.” I lied.

He saw through me.

I pulled my arm from him, gave him a sheepish smile, and walked to the locker room.

In one way or another, the way Aaron was acting reminded me slightly of Ryan, maybe I just missed him and wished he was here since he was at districts today.

The day went by too quickly. I found myself bored out of my skull in English willing to use Ms. Curran’s overly bright scarf to choke her, or myself.

***

The door screeched as I opened it and stepped into Shawn’s car. I slammed it closed, my headphones already playing music in my ears as Shawn drove home in silence, or maybe he said things and I just wasn’t listening. Once we got home, Shawn opened his car door to get out, but I didn’t. He looked back at me as the only move I made had been to unbuckle. I continued to stare out the window and my eyes felt glossy.

Shawn climbed back in and closed is door. I felt his eyes on me. I pulled my headphones out and we sat in silence for a minute.

“I’m scared.” my voice barely audible.

Shawn gulped, “It’ll be fine.”

I looked over at him, “Really?”

“Yeah.” Shawn nodded.

I nodded slightly, everything would be fine as long as Shawn was with me. We got out of the car and both went straight to our rooms. I flopped down on my bed and let out an irritated sigh. I let my eyes get heavier and fell asleep.

I woke up mad. I was hoping that today wasn’t actually happening and I tried to rid myself of the knot in my stomach, but it didn’t go away.

I didn’t want to meet my “father”, I wanted Ryan home, and I didn’t want to go anywhere- just stay with him, in his strong, warm arms. Something that I wrote way back came to my mind, but I couldn’t remember it exactly. I pulled out the notebook I had written it in and randomly flipped to a page reading the delicate words.

One side of the moon never shines, but really the other side doesn’t either. The moon doesn’t shine, ever. It just looks like it does. From the point of view of the inconsequential specks of dust known as humans the moon is shining. The moon is not, nor has it ever shone... shined. 

I read over the words carefully and then allowed my thumb the run over the edge of the pages. I shut the book closed and looked at the cover. I thought back on all of the times I opened this, my first entry, my latest. I remembered the tear stained paper, the scribbled out ink. I thought about my worst entries, the ones that I wrote with tears, anger, hatred. My knuckles began to turn white because of my rough grip. I threw the notebook across the room, fuming with anger for a few minutes before composing myself and going over to pick it up. A small piece of paper fell out and I put the notebook back before picking it up and walking over to my bed, I don’t remember ripping a piece off.

I sat down on my bed and unfolded it, my eyes scanning the words and smiling, travelling back to the day I first saw it.

A knock on the door shook me from the memory, “Yeah?”

“It’s time to go.” Shawn’s weak voice said through the door.

“Okay.” I scanned the six, black etched words one last time before placing it down on my bedside table and going to the door.

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