Muses

He's got me.

He's got me now.
In the choke hold of memories and ways he has of getting into my head.
Yeah, he's got me.
I'm just a girl, he made me think I could fix this problem I didn't cause.
Here I am.
Giving everything.
Crying tears, tears of pain for what he does to himself.
And yet
He's glad that I care,
But no apologies.
Never apologies.
He's got me.
He's got me to treat like dirt and then,
Then say that if he didn't love me he wouldn't talk to me
As if only his attention is enough.
And yet
I stay.
While he kisses another girl
I stay.
While he tells me about his love for her
I break, but I stay.
While he swears to me that what they have is better then anything we had
I hurt, but I stay.
Yeah, he's really got me.
Hasn't he?
All the boundaries I set
All the walls I put up
All the trust I built
It all meant nothing. Not if I could keep him.
Rubble. Ruins. Ashes of my sense of self worth.
Everything I wanted was gone.
With a single block, I could hear the breaking of a boulder made so strong over years,
My heart.
And yet
I tried to fix a broken lock.
The lock he forged.
The lock he broke.
Where was the "I live for you" that I used to hear?
Heck, where was the "I love you."?
It was fragmented. Just little bits of it left for me to try with all my might.
Because maybe I'll get that fragment.
Somehow I still think he cares.
Somehow I want to be his.
I'm blinded.
I can't see it,
But this is abuse.
This isnt right.
It only leaves me thinking
"Wow.
He's got me."