London Dream

Numbness

When you lose someone that has been there for you all of your life , that has accompany you on most of your journey , that has been there for you through thick or thin , that has been one of reason why you smile, you finally break into pieces. In my case , i became ashes. I am nothing now. I feel like half of me is gone. I haven't shed any tear. At all. Since that news. I feel nothing. I feel numb. I cannot describe what i am feeling using words. Devastated , sad , lonely , heart broken , those words are nothing compared to what i am feeling right now. All around me , every thing that is beautiful and colorful is now grey in my eyes. I feel like my source of happiness is gone. But no matter how hard i tried , i cannot cry. I cannot let even 1 drop of tear come out of my eyes. And if you ask me , i do not know why.

2 days ago , when nurse Peggy told me the news, George took me back to the house and told me to pack my things , he also went to the Kensington Palace to pack his things. We went back to LA using his private jet. When we arrived and we went straight to the hospital. Since then George has been staying in my house , at my room while i am at my dad's. These 2 days i spent inside of the room , i haven't eaten anything , i haven't done anything except looking at my dad's belongings. I miss him so bad. I would do anything to make him come back.

Today is the funeral. I do not wanna see him go. I took a shower and clean up myself. I am now wearing my black knee- length dress and the black boots that my dad told me to buy 5 months ago. This dress was his present for me last year on my birthday.

George knocks lightly at the door.
"Amelia?"

I did not reply anything. I open the door and see him. His face. Concern. Sad. Worry.

"Before we go , please eat at least one of the waffle i made. Please."

I feel bad. I am treating him like he does not exist when he's just trying to help , to be there for me. This is not fair for him.

I gave him a small smile and nod. I take one of the waffle and eat it. We went to the place . We arrived.

I am now here. I see everybody around me. Giving me the look of pity.

We took a seat next to the coffin. My dad's coffin. A lot of people is here. Including Freddie and Logan. My dad was not a rich man , but he was nice and wise that's why he has lots of friends. He was remarkable. I haven't paid any attention to what the preach was saying after good morning , until he told me to give my eulogy. Which is now.

I stand up and walk near the coffin.

"Stephanus Hank LeBlanc. My father's name. My father."

I take out his car's keychain.

"He has been sick for a long time. I was in the 6th grade when he finally able to buy a car. We drove the car around LA. That car has no working AC , when we used it , it was not steady. But that car was the beginning of his hope. That car was a prove that we can do better than what we were. That he could do better for us. That car was why i started to dream. My father, he was my guide , my mood booster , my teacher , my best friend , my role model , my source of happiness. He was the one who gave advices that i still use even until this second , he was the first person who believed in me , he was the one that planted some confidence inside of me , he was my angel. We spent a lot of times together but it's never enough. We were Hank and Amelia against the world. Even though we're not rich , we were happy. And making him happy is all that i could ask. Being sick never stopped him to make me happy , he kept on working even though he was sick , because he had 1 goal. To make me happy. I learned lots of things from him. I remember the first thing he told me , he said that as long as we are with the people or the person we love , we can be happy. And when my mother and my sister left , he told me that sometimes letting go is better than keep on holding. I am happy. I am happy with him. But now , i need to let go. I need to let him go. So he can be happy. Right now , he's not sick anymore. Goodbye , dad. I love you."

I walk back to my chair and sit carefully. George holds my hand gently my moving him thumbs up and down to calm me. Even after giving my eulogy , i still can't cry at all.

The funeral is finished. Freddie and Logan went back to their hotel. Right now George and i are eating at my dad's favorite diner. We are also eating his favorite breakfast. French toast with cheesy tuna scrambled egg. After eating we went back home.

I grab my guitar and i sing a song.

Oh, thinkin' about our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free
Now nothin' can take you away from me
We've been down that road before
But that's over now
You keep me comin' back for more

Baby, you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in Heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in Heaven

Oh, once in your life you find someone
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when you're feelin' down
Yeah, nothin' could change what you mean to me
Oh, there's lots that I could say
But just hold me now
Cause our love will light the way

And baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe
We're in Heaven
Yeah, love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in Heaven, yeah

I've been waitin' for so long
For somethin' to arrive
For love to come along
Now our dreams are comin' true
Through the good times and the bad
Yeah, I'll be standin' there by you

And baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in Heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in Heaven, Heaven, woah

You're all that I want
You're all that I need

I finally broke into tears. I finally be able to feel something again. Which is hurt. It hurts a lot. George is hugging me tightly while i am sitting on his lap right now. Right now i want nothing except his embrace.