Author's note: For those readers who aren't from the UK, 'D.W.P' stands for 'Department Of Work and Pensions' (basically, it's where jobless folk go to be persecuted).
***
Work in Hell's been kind of slow of late,
The world above is just so full of hate.
The Devil can't compete with what evil men can do,
He's handed in his resignation and joined the dole queue.
It's a place of torment, despair and dread,
Where the customers are jeered at and the staff are inbred.
Behind a counter marked 'service' sits a dribbling, one-eyed crone,
If the Devil didn't know better this could almost be home.
In a voice like lead the decrepit crone cries:
'Take a seat please, Mr Lord of Flies
There's quite a lot of paper work but please don't make a fuss
Just fill in all these forms and then your soul belongs to us.'
'Now, in your search for work what did you do today?
Slouch around on a couch? Wander town in dismay?
You'll find there's no excuse for slackness, not even bereavement
Would you hand me your ironically titled "Record of Achievement"?'
'Oh, I see from your C.V. that you're a cold-blooded brute
A ruthless, twisted madman who's too worthless to shoot
You're a stone-hearted sadist who eats puppy dogs for tea
Have you ever considered a career with the D.W.P..?'
YOU ARE READING
Dead Short
Short StoryDeath! Zombies! Cannibalism! Grapefruits! This collection of darkly humorous short stories and narrative poems, from the co-writer of iBooks best selling book of lies and misinformation 'Not A Lot Of People Know That', has a little something for ev...
