Move On

Here I lay, on my soft, cushy bed staring up at the ceiling through tears while listening to unknown voices speak to me from the television. My body feels lifeless and heavy, as if I had died but by a cruel twist of faith my consciousness was left in tact.  How did things turn out like this? Everything was going so well, or so I thought.

"It's over." Those two simple words keep echoing in my head and every time I hear them it's like a knife being plunged deeper and deeper into my chest. It wasn't supposed to be over. It barely got started. But what could I do? I simply sat there in silence completely shocked as I watched his back eventually disappear and blend in with the busy downtown crowd. How pathetic I must have looked to the passersby. All I could do was sit there and cry, a small child even came up to me and offered me their ice cream, although cute the offer only caused the flood gates to open wider. It took a good ten minutes before my best friend came. She slung my arm around her and took me home. She stayed the night despite giving up plans that she had me with her own lover.

The endless weeping eventually quieted down to nothing but what sounded like small hiccups and we just lay on my bed in silence as we tried to comprehend what had just happened. I had dedicated a life to this man...no, this boy and yet he had the audacity to throw all that away.

"I've found someone else."

Someone else my ass. What, was I not good enough? Sure I wasn't the hottest girl on this planet yet I was not the worst looking girl on this planet. My personality was rather normal...maybe I was boring? What I was lacking was closure. He hadn't told me anything else besides that; that he'd found someone else. Maybe this was someone had been seeing behind my back, was it right to make such an accusation? No, surely he hadn't cheated on me, he'd never do something like that, then again I never expected him to fall in love with someone other than me.

A year, wasted.

Now what should I do? I had planned my summer to revolve around him. I had planned my future to fit in with his. Now there'd be holes in my plans. Oh well, maybe I should have seen this coming. For the past few weeks he'd been a little distant but I just assumed he was going through something that he would talk to me about when he was ready...well he talked to me about it alright.

"You know what, it's his lose. You can easily find another guy, you're one of the prettiest people I know."

I laughed without much humour. That was the extent of my friends comfort. Sure her words didn't make me feel any better about the situation but the fact that she was trying just put a smile on my face. Maybe I wasn't cut out to be that guys girlfriend, the future might have something else in store for me. For all you know my so called prince charming could be passing outside my house at this very moment. But the thought of another guy just makes my heart fulter in anguish, I don't want another guy. Sure I have no choice but to move on but there is no other choice.

I turn my head to look at my friend, her eyes are glued to the ceiling as a sign of courtesy to allow me to cry without being watched. Huh, funny. How can I be so sad when I have one of closest friends right next to me. Despite the awkward situation she remains by my side with a small smile on her face as she tries to come up with a way to cheer me up. Ah, how can I be so selfish. I haven't even thanked her for coming over yet, for staying with me despite my sobs of sadness. Lifting my head I finally wipe my tear stained face. I can see my reflection in my mirror just a few feet away, dear god I look like I've been in bed sick with the flu. A red stuffy nose, red and puffy eyes and a pale complexion. Great. My make-up has smeared down my face. If it was Halloween I'd make one hell of a witch.

"...This summer, let's go to the beach." I finally say in a surprisingly weak sounding voice.

"The beach, a road trip, Europe, you name it. Let's just have fun." She responded with a bright smile on her face. "We can do everything you like and more."

"What about your hubby?" I asked laughing slightly about the use of the word 'hubby'.

"For the love of...we don't act like an old married couple! And he understands, friends come first, remember?"

Actually laughing I hugged her and smiled. "Yeah, thanks."

"No problemo. Now...can we go clean you up? You're beginning to resemble the grudge...no offense."

Nudging her in the ribs I got up and walked over to my bathroom with the intention of washing my face. As I waited for the water to become lukewarm I could remember what my mother told me the first time I actually went out on a date with that guy. "Boys will come and go but family and friends are forever." Although I lost some of my friends during my life her message was still true. He was just another guy who had missed his chance with me. If he is the one for me then maybe we'll end up back together but till then he is just another ex. Getting used to seeing him with another girl will take a long time to get over, I'm aware of that because this isn't my first break up but just the pain I have to go through to get over him makes me want to give up already. In the bathroom mirror I can see my friend staring at me with a smile on her face. Right. That was my motivation. I can't give up without even trying. Who needs guys anyways? So long as I have my friends...or even just one really close friend I know I'll be fine.

Later that night we took down his pictures, sat in front of my fireplace and burned every single one. I was hesitant at first thinking that maybe I should wait just in case he changed his mind but why should I bother? He hadn't even hesitated to break up with me then leave so why should I hesitate to throw him away? Pictures were just pictures, they would only taunt me if I were to keep them up on my wall. I still had my memories and for now I know those memories will tug at my heart every time I think of them but eventually the pain will fade.

Now here we sit, watching the fire flicker. We're cuddled up against each other watching the flames while ignoring the muffled voices that escape the television. The crying has started again but it soon stops. I have my friends, I have my family, I have a future to look forward to. This is just a bump in the road. Soon this bump will mean nothing to me. Yeah, so long as I focus on whats important I will be fine. Eventually, I'll move on.