A/N - There is going to be some swearing in this chapter. Just a heads up. This was also just to vent, as Macbeth was really staring to annoy me at this point (analysing a soliloquy really bored me, I couldn't be bothered)
Everyone has been going on about Shakespeare's new play. You're really hating it. Up until now, you've never revealed your hatred for the bard.
"Oh, God, I hate Shakespeare!" you shout. There is an audible gasp.
"No," your brother, Nigel, replies.
"I do. I hate Shakespeare," you say.
"Why?" Nick asks.
"I just don't get it. How a mediocre actor from a measly little town is suddenly the brightest jewel in England's royal crown. Oh, God, I hate Shakespeare. His plays are wordy but OH NO, the 'great' Shakespeare! That little turd. He has no sense about the audience, he makes them feel so dumb. That bastard doesn't care that my poor ass is getting numb," you rant.
"How can you say that?" one guy asks.
"How can you say that?" another guy asks.
"Its easy, I can say it cause its absolutely true," you say.
"Don't be a penis."
"The man is a genius."
"His genius is he's fooling all of you."
"But he's brilliant. What majesty flows from his pen. His poetry soars like a sweet violin. God's own inspiration like lightning doth strike him. And he captures my soul!" Nigel says. The troupe stare at him, loving his little speech.
"Jeez, you sound just like him," you say.
"Really, thanks," Nigel says. You wait for a moment.
"You should hate Shakespeare," you say. There is an audible gasp.
"Well, I don't. I try to emulate Shakespeare," Nigel says.
"Well there's your problem. You're so blinded by 'the bard', he's such a pompous little man," you say.
"Why is it a problem to admit that I'm a fan?" Nigel asks.
"Cause he's a hack with a knack for stealing anything he can," you say.
"How can you say that?"
"How can you say that?"
"The man really knows how to write a bitchin' play."
"You wish you could pen one."
"We wish we were in one," you hear someone whisper.
"I just wish that he would go away!"
"Well, that's not gonna happen, because everyone I know says that he's the greatest writer that England's ever known!" Nigel says.
"And that's another thing I hate about Shakespeare! Is all the twits who bloviate about Shakespeare. And how they rattle on about his great accomplishments, well la-di-da-di-dah! And once they start their gushing there's no stopping them," you start acting out what you are saying, "and then it's "blah blah blah blah blah Shakespeare!" And he walks in, it's "dum da dum ta da Shakespeare!" He's holding court and they say "Will you're such a genius and your writing is divine, a rose by any other name is such a clever line!" And they're all "ooh!" and he's all "stop" and they're all "yay" and I'm all "ugh", and I'm REALLY getting sick of it! And oh, oh, oh, oh, I HATE SHAKESPEARE!" you shout.
"I think by now we sorta know you hate Shakespeare."
"Shmakespeare! The way he feigns humility when all he does is gloat. The way he wears that silly frilly collar round his throat. The poster child for why no one should ever pro-create. Let me make a shorter list and I will give it to you straight. Every little thing about Shakespeare, is what I hate," you finally finish. If you were a cartoon, you'd be red with steam coming out of your ears.
"He hates Shakespeare."
"He really truly hates Shakespeare."
"Don't hate," Nigel says.
YOU ARE READING
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