Forever?

Forever love?

Imagine loving this one kid for over 2 years of your life. You guys have had an on and off thing when you guys are in fourth grade , but you're only in fourth you guys were dumb! You guys went on and off almost all fourth grade you guys broke up he had found another girl... You cried every night ! Luckily school was almost over!! That summer you tried not to think about him you actually didn't it was rare when you thought about him. But when you did think about him you cried for hours remembering all the good times. Yea people might say omg they're only in fourth grade they don't even know what love is. That's not true to be honest! It was august you feared going back to school because he would be there you still cared for him. The last week of August it got you real bad since you were starting on September first you begged your mom to move you to a different school. You actually cried once begging her , you didn't want to see him you didn't want to care for him no more. Your mom said no she wouldn't move you to a different school unless you gave her a reason. You can't find a reason you didn't want to tell her the truth! School started you were now a middle schooler you were in fifth grade now! You weren't really excited but you saw your best friend didn't move you were happy to see her ! You and her were in the same classroom that's all you knew and you were happy! Your happiness faded as you guys both walked to your class room to find out he was in the same class as you your smile faded . You walked over to a couple of desks that were far enough from him you and your best friend sat there. He smiled at you you didn't correspond the smile. After awhile you guys started to talk again. You felt better you felt like you had a chance with him! He finally started falling for u !! You guys gave each other what like the 100th chance! You and him ended up being in this writing prompt thing together with one of your best friends. Your happiness didn't last long he broke up with you he had fallen for your best friend your best friend ever since she came to your school. The night he told you felt so weak and sad you couldn't believe that once again you weren't good enough! Him and your bestfriend started dating oh boy did you hate both but you were just jealous ! He ending up dumping your best friend to go with your friend and hers that was two years older than you guys. she was kind of sad but you didn't know what to say he had done it to u but she didn't help you because he has left you for her. You ended up hating both him and his girlfriend you and your bestfriend ended up being closer than ever you thought your friendship would end but you were wrong ! You swore to hate his guys but did you really hate him? Of course not you loved him ! You were jealous ! He didn't break up with his girlfriend . They were together for a long time .. Rumor had it he had even had his first kiss with her . You thought " wasn't that supposed to be me? All our plans ! I hate him so much for letting me fall for him for letting me believe he loved me." You acted like you didn't care . That school year you had very low self esteem . You let everything get to you. But everyone had a limit right? Well you met this guy . First impression was cute and shy! He spent the night the first day you met him! Haha you got in trouble that night for having a late night snack you were sent to your room you hesitated even though you didn't know the kid you wanted to . You have to obey you left to your room! The next morning you woke up at 7 AM but didn't go out of your room until 9 AM . You didn't see him for sometime. You were back at school and he was still dating his girlfriend two years older than him. You still cared for him to be honest! You still had a low self esteem ! This girl one grade older than you started bullying you and your friends all the time. You cried for the stuff she told you. You said stuff back hurtful stuff you know you shouldn't of said but it's to late now ! She called u a hoe, a slut , and she called you a lot of hurtful names told you hurtful stuff. You couldn't take it anymore you cried and cried that didn't solve anything! One day she crossed the line she said something about your family you just couldn't deal with that you had a bad day at school . You got mad got up from your bus seat and went up to her and told her what she had said. She ignored me I was tired of being ignored I tugged on her shoulder she took my hand off see there's where I messed up touching her . She kicked me . I just couldn't take it anymore I started punching her . It all happened so fast and I felt so bad because just because I was fed up didn't mean I should fight back. No one believed me ever that's alright I guess. You ended up getting suspended from school . My friends would say they missed me. I don't know if they did frankly. I went back . I started dating this one kid from out class he came on my birthday which was along time from when u got in the fight. He had a crush on me ever since. I also had two guy best friends that didn't take to me no more we were best friends since third grade . I remember crushing on them ! Haha we were like the three musketeers they stopped talking to me since they found other guys and girls to hang out with. Even if I did have friends it felt like I was alone. That summer I got to know that one kid I met during school. He was not that shy. We started talking. He was about two years older than me I think. We spent a lot of the summer together me and him and a lot of his family members. I still had feelings for that kid that I've been crushing on since fourth grade. But I decided that I should take my chances I did. I fell for that guy . He was my summertime love. Oh but was he a big mistake . I don't like to call stuff mistakes but he I wish I would have never met him. He made me drop so many tears ! I later found out he had a girlfriend and

He was u loyal to her with me and a bunch of other girls. I couldn't stop talking to him he was the only person who have me attention. In the summer I became really depressed I did stupid stuff like cutting .. He made me stop for awhile thinking he loved me was my best medicine. Now I understand that I didn't feel love towards him . I thought I did cuz he would give me some of his time he would give me fake love. My friends influenced me into cutting it's one of the stupidest things I've done in life! I didn't want to do anything I would cry most of the time I would be in my room crawled up in bed sleeping. I didn't find no meaning in life. Then I started watching these boy they were called magcon boys. Shawn mendes, Jacob Whitesides, carter Reynolds , Matthew Espinosa , Cameron Dallas , mahogany lox, nash Grier, Taylor caniff , Aaron Carpenter , Jack glinsky , and Jack Jhonson my life savers! I started watching their YouTube and vine videos . Their tweets and posts saved me. They brought happiness back into my life! I stopped cutting for them ! I was happy for once in my life! School was almost starting I was moving on to sixth grade! How time flys by. No one really from school talked to me all summer except my best friend, I was nervous. I started sixth grade I didn't really talk to anyone except my "friends" . I got to see him again my forever crush ! He still thought u hated him . Truth is I didn't he was single now I wanted a chance! I don't remember how or when but we started talking again and we were friends again. On tracs trip out very first one he was being a dork and taking pictures of me and putting them on snapchat . I liked the attention he was giving me but I didn't want to show anyone my feelings, I really haven't let anyone know my feelings thinking I'm going to get hurt again. We talked he told me he liked me we didn't date though. Then I really don't remember what happened that school year went by fast . Well we started dating again we dated for about three months or less it was on and off again. Mostly my fault cuz I was unsure I was ready for a relationship. Finally we broke up for the fourth time but that time we didn't get back together. He treated me pretty bad. He liked this other girl now. Wow I guess I'll never be good enough. After him treating me pretty bad. I opened my eyes to other possibilities my best "gay" guy friend had a crush on me it was one of his friends but I said yas to him. We started dating. My forever crush was now my bestfriend . Point is I did t want to loose our friends ship so I didn't want him to ask me out ever again. I even took this play so I could spend more time with him! We were friends but then the benefits kicked in lol sounds silly. We acted like we were dating we would hug he would hold hands . He finally asked me out 6-11-14 wow was I happy ! We dated almost a month . Oh did I love him I would do anything for that kid. We had future plans and everything. But we broke up six days before our one monther. Idk what happened to forever. I cried for sometime . Really I just don't want to admit I still love him I don't ! I want to but idk why I don't maybe it's my fault? So now I keep thinking forever? I broke down before doing to sleep I couldn't take it no more I wanted to text him tell him I loved him but I couldn't I pushed him away.... What should I do?