Sad Supernatural Imagines :'(

he used me. (Part 2)

(Three days later.)
Living alone is lonely, duh.
All I do all day is research and eat cereal while I wait for Sam to call me.
The motel he set me up at was really nice.
I mean nicer than what we would usually go for.
Don't even have to pay for cable.
It's included.
I really like the fact that I'm alone though.
No people to look presentable for or dishes that I have to wash, because I have a cleaning lady.
I feel rich.
I was startled out of my thoughts by a knock at the door.
I got up, expecting it to be Sam, but slammed the door right in Dean's face.
"Oh my god."
I said as I rushed to put on acceptable clothing and brush my hair.
I can't let him see me living as if I'm some sort of emotional wreck, because I'm fine.
I'm actually fine.
Once I was ready I opened the door again.
"Hi."
He said dork-ishly.
"Hey."
I said with a blank stare.
"How'd you find me?"
He began to stumble over his words like he always does when he tried to apologize.
I groaned and pulled him inside to escape the chilly air.
"Sam gave you the motel name, huh?"
I asked as I passed him a beer.
He opened it.
"I had to beg him, and we got into a huge fight, but it was worth it. I...missed you."
He said 'missed you' as if it was a ball of fire.
Like it was hard to take.
I nodded and opened my beer.
"Hm. Didn't know I meant that much to you. You sure didn't show it."
He stood up and walked over to me.
"Hey. I wasn't in the right headspace, okay? I...I want to start over with you. Really. We moved to fast and it messed everything up. So? What do you say?"
I looked at him in awe.
"I say you sound insane. Dean, just four days ago you were trying to make sure I knew you didn't love me the way that I loved you. You made me look like a complete fool. I can't pretend like nothing happened just because you want to stay friends. That's not how grown-ups handle things."
I tried to walk away but he grabbed my hands.
"Please, I want you to come home. You complete us. The bunker is empty when you're not there, and I can't... You make the world not so shitty. With everything that's been going on lately with mom and Jack being... I can't do this without you, Carter."
Anger filled up inside me and I ripped my hands away and tugged at my hair.
A mixture of guilt and fury mixing in my gut making my thoughts burn my skull.
"Why didn't you think about that when you decided to use me as a way to... I don't even know...get back at Lynn? I can't trust you anymore, Dean. I cried my life away hoping that, one day, you would look at me like you looked at Lynn... You won't ever look at me like that. Let's face it. I'll never be the girl that you love. I'll always be second place."
I heard his breath catch in his throat.
He couldn't say a word.
His mouth opened and closed trying to form a sentence, but he found nothing.
Finally, he paused and almost lunged at me.
He wrapped my small body in his arms and kissed me firmly.
I kissed him back sliding my hands into his hair and then down to his neck.
We pulled away.
Forehead to forehead.
"I know that it's hard to see. I know I'm not good at showing it. But, Carter, I've always seen you like that. I never knew that you saw me like that. Like this..."
He said putting his hand on my cheek, sending chills down my spine.
"You've never been in second place."
I stared into his green eyes and struggled to differentiate this from when he used me, and I couldn't.
My vision began to blur with tears.
What if he was lying to me...again.
He's done it once.
I gritted my teeth and walked away from him.
"You kissed me once and it meant nothing to you. I can't even know if you're lying. I'm scared, Dean. I don't want to get hurt like that again. I really don't think I could take it. We've lost so much. I can't lose myself in all of this too. I want to believe you, Dean, but I need time to get things clear between us."
I said, my voice cracking, and tears burning my eyes because I wouldn't let them fall.
"I-I feel like I've lost a leg here, Carter. I don't know what else to do to make this better. I can't leave without you, and I can't keep hurting you. You're right. This is so scary, but sometimes that's just how things are. I wish that there was time to help you regain my trust, but there isn't. You have to trust me, baby, you just have to."
His eyes were filled with a sad gleam as he spoke.
He was just as much at a loss as I was.
"I want to-"
"Then lets go home."
"I need to know."
He cocked his head.
"Know what?"
I walked up to him and looked him dead in his now dull green eyes.
"I need to know if you love me, Dean. Going home won't be worth it if you don't."
He took a moment and gingerly grabbed my face in his hands.
He put his thumbs under my eyes and kissed me gently, just once.
He pulled away and slid his hands down to mine.
"I do. I really do."
I breathed hard.
"No. I need to hear you say it."
He kissed me again, letting his lips linger this time.
"I...I love you, Carter."
I smiled and kissed him this time.
I pulled away and searched his eyes.
They seemed genuine.
His words seemed genuinely real,
"I know."
He shook his head and laughed.
We both knew that this was real.
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