Ink On Paper By The Broken Girl

Numb.

Why did I have to see you?
Even though part of me craved to, I didn't want to see you like that; At least not with her...
Today hit me off guard and things couldn't have been any worse...
When I saw you with her it felt  like I started breaking all over again...
But after all the pain that I felt, everything just stopped and my whole body became numb, I guess that my body has a different response to pain now, however,
All that ran through my mind was that we could've been, should've been but we haven't been...
And finally, today I realized that we NEVER WILL BE.

As I saw you, the tall tower that I placed to protect my heart slowly cracked and piece by piece the image of your face, laugh and everybody else just brought back so much emotions and caused me so much pain...
It's as if I'm a piece of glass and you broke me, you didn't even try to fix me,
Instead, you took some of my broken pieces and just left with her.

I felt my eyes burning,
Not because of tears that threatened to flow...
Because I promised myself that you aren't worth my tears...
But instead,
They burned with hatred and anger....
How could you ?
I've placed your own happiness before mine and I tried my best to never let you feel alone...
How stupid of me to waste my time and think that you're different?
But you ended up being just like everybody else.

Today I realized that pain doesn't has a hold on me anymore...
My whole body just becomes numb and my mind is like "what else do you got?"

I always had a slight hope that you still cared about me,
But I guess I wrong...
You saw me and looked me in the eyes with a cold glare while speaking to her,
I couldn't stand seeing you with someone else so I stopped looking...
After I glance again for the last time before going home,
I guess you left again...
But somehow it's worse this time Guess why?
Because you left with her.

Seeing you tore me to pieces,
Seeing you smile and laugh when she's the reason behind it,
Caused my mind to run into over-drive, it drove me crazy...
I  looked at you and you were already staring, however, there wasn't love in my eyes anymore,
There was hurt and a flash of hatred,
But in yours, I noticed something that wasn't present...
Unfortunately that was regret.

When I saw you, I was honestly hoping that you realized what you had all along,
But again, I was wrong,
You don't realize and I'm starting to think that when you do,
It's just going to be a little too late.

My fear was seeing someone I loved with someone else or living happily without me,
So today when I saw you with her,
I thought that I was having a nightmare,
But then reality hit me,
I wasn't, I was completely awake
And how weak of me to just stand there and let you destroy my heart even more.

I thought that if you gave me a chance, I'd be the girl of your dreams...
But we don't always get what we want, now do we?
I ended up just being an irrelevant dream that you forgot once you woke up,
And you became the monster that always taunts me in my nightmares...
Ironic isn't it ?

I thought that you'd be over her by now,
But you never seem to learn your lesson, now do you ?
I guess you just always find a way to forgive the persons you love,
I just hope that with you,
That isn't my case....

I've been thinking,
And I've concluded that all I was living with you,
Was just a pretty,dark lie.

I thought that you were stupid with to hurt someone like me,
But I guess I thought wrong,
Didn't I ?

Now you have a red rose in your garden,
But all I have left is thorns...
You had the chance to have me,
A white, pure rose...
But instead, you went for her because she's dark red,
I hope she doesn't causes your eyes to become like that dreadful colour...
Even though you'd know how I feel

When I looked at you,
All I saw was the person that I once fell for, and I just hope it stays that way...

You never missed me,
No unfair games but,
I hope that when she leaves you,
You get a touch of what I felt...
And probably due to time,
You will experience worst because of the way you've treated me.