I'm sorry

I was sitting in my room, thinking about those people. It's not even like I can talk to any body about it. They wouldn't understand. I held a knife up to my throat, it was just a kitchen knife. I stood up of my bed starting at the floor as I grabbed paper and a pencil.  I heard a voice in my head shout in despair. "What am I thinking, I can't do this, but no one cares about me. I'm tired of waking to no body, seeing. No body, I just wanna be loved"

I do have a crush but... I doubt he likes me, his name is.. God who am I kidding. He obviously doesn't like me. I can see why, I'm a freak, with the eyes of a demon the teeth of a monster the body of...yknow we'll forget that last one. I have been in this world, living a fantasy. But you wouldn't want that would you. And everyday I wake up and think about joining you. I threw the knife back in the kitchen drawer. "I'll be back later", I whisper. 

Time skip »»»

I have to get out of here. You were with me...... but you died on Christmas day. Now look at me, ha if you saw me now, you'd call me pathetic,an idiot, a waste of a woman. Huh time for work

Another time skip to when you got on the metro

I hold on to the handle on the top of the inside. I remember...me and you used to get on the metro together and leave at random stops. I wish you were still here. I walk of the metro once I get to my stop. I want to see you so badly. Hguu just another long long long long long long long long long long long long day.

(Just a note, this is gonna be a one part thing. I'll extend this one page every once in a while. Everything you are looking at/reading did happen to me... I lost my mom, dad and grandmother all different years but the same day December  25. I lost my dad at age 5, my mom at 8 and my grandmother at 10.

I lost my dad and mother from overdoseage of cocaine and my grandmother from natural causes.Anyway, this is kinda my way of sharing what happened to me and I want you to know, if you suffer with loss, and you want to talk to someone else other than your own family, you can talk to me. You can gmail me at  nataliabadamo11@gmail.com. just give me a heads up in the comments. Thank you.)