~Troubled Soul~ (Jinson//Jackjin)

3.🖤

I lay on my couch, exhausted.
Gosh, I'm so tired. I could literally just stay like this forever until I die from starving.

It's 3 pm and I haven't eaten yet. Unfortunately I have to get up and make myself some Noodles, I hope that will give me enough energy. I start cooking and I'm done in a few minutes so I sit at the dining table and eat the tasteless meal I've just prepared. Damn, I'm terribly bad at cooking. But I'm sure I'll learn someday. I could do so many things, I just have to set my mind to it. Exactly, that's the problem: as long as I have no reason to improve myself, I don't see why I should put more effort in what I do for my own self.

I finish my meal and, after having done the dishes, I rush back to my couch finally lolling on it. I'm tired but it looks like my eyelids do not want to be closed. I start staring at the ceiling and notice a very tiny crack. Ugh... I can't even remember how I did that. Whatever... Nobody will ever see it.

I bitterly smile and look around. Actually, my home is quite a cozy place, it really is a shame that nobody ever comes and visits me. After all, why should anybody want to visit me... I have no friends, my family barely knows I exist, let alone any kind of relationship. My face is now disgusted. Man, love truly does not exist. The "feeling" everyone calls love is just showing some kind of affection in order to receive something, either concrete or temporary attention. Yes, nobody ever does something for free, that's for damn sure. Why do people even look for it? Don't they have to deal with enough disappointments?! Ugh... What a weird world I get to live in...

I tilt my head to the side and look at a Caravaggio's painting hanging on my wall.

- Right, David?! - Man, am I THAT disturbed?! I wonder how long will it take for me to start having actual conversations with my furniture. I sigh.

I should really go out sometimes... But not to the park, like I usually do. I love sitting on that bench, with nothing and nobody around: just me and my sketchbook. That will never help me winning back my trust in the human race, though.

Whatever, who needs somebody else?! You do, you fucking idiot. Man, I should really get some help... Sometimes I get scared of how creepy I can be.

I could get a pet! What about a dog? Nah, how the hell would it be supposed to survive?! I can't even take care of my own self. I think a goldfish would be the only thing I could afford to take care of. Jeez, I honestly don't think a goldfish would keep much company, though... I think I will settle for talking to the paintings on my wall...

I laugh nervously and look at my phone. I go through Instagram, YouTube, listen to some music and then, as I've run out of things to look at, I go through my contact list. Not that long, I must admit... My parents, my sisters, some guys I went to college with and a few colleagues of mine.

As I look at Mark's name on the screen I think about what has happened this morning. He was talking about some kind of party. I don't think a party will do for me, I honestly don't. I went to a few of them before, needless to say they were an utter flop. Plus, I can't seem to have a good time whenever those two are around. Not that I could in any other way.

I close my eyes and ease my head back on the couch before sighing once more. Although I'm so rude to them, they always treat me kindly, they're always sweet and polite and they look like they almost care about me... maybe I should trust those kids for once... I have nothing to lose anyways... Besides, I could try something different... This time.

I quickly open my eyes and, before I could even change my mind, I press the green button on the screen and bring my phone close to my ear. After a few seconds Mark picks it up and with a surprised voice says: