Being the girlfriend of a famous musician is the reason that so many of the insecurities that I've had since middle school remain with me. Regardless of how many times he's tried to prove me wrong, Brad can't make me believe that all the things I hate about myself aren't true. I hate my smile, I hate my chin, my neck, my body, my laugh, my voice, my mind. The only thing I love about myself is that I have such an amazing boyfriend, but that isn't something I can rely on for forever because he could get up and leave at any moment, and I'd be lost without him.
Recently, I've been receiving endless amounts of hate from fans on social media. I don't blame them though. I mean, I didn't do anything wrong, I was just being myself. Which was the problem in itself. Ever since Brad and I began dating, the hate hasn't stopped. He urged them to stop, but of course, there are those few fans who couldn't care less. And then it all sets off like dominos, and the hate starts all over again.
I canceled my previous plans with Brad for today, I just wanted to be by myself and dwell on everything that has been happening. He seemed to be getting more and more distant, which terrified me because I didn't want to lose him. Sure, canceling plans was actually probably the opposite of what I should've done, but what's done is done. I was in the middle of reading the replies to Brad's recent tweet, which featured a picture of us together.
@thevampsbrad: always happy when i'm with you :)
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@thevampsjames: i envy you two, stop making the rest of us jealous :(
@ella_thevamp5: @thevampsbrad@thevampsjames jealous? hah, you wish! she's the worst person for him, i wouldn't want a relationship like there's in a million years!
@thevampslexis: ew she's actually gross
@omgitsthevamps: ugh i was hoping you two broke up, can you pleassseeee?!!
@fuckmeupbradley: bitch pls die, we all hate you
I felt the tears trickle down my cheeks as my eyes scanned the page, reading each and every reply, all of them saying something negative about me. I always took fans' comments to heart because everything they were saying, I was saying to myself on a daily basis. Sometimes I really did wonder if the world would be better off without me. What always brought me back to reality though was the fact that I'd be losing Brad in the end.
I closed Twitter and was about to open Instagram to read comments on some of Brad's picture when I got a FaceTime request from Brad himself. I sighed, about to hit the decline call button when my fat finger pressed accept instead. Before I could realize what happened, Brad's face popped up on my screen. I quickly wiped my eyes, getting rid of any visible tears on my face, but it was too late.
"Hey, are you crying? What's the matter?" he asked, clearly concerned.
I smiled at him, "What? Nothing, psh, I wasn't crying!" I lied.
"I'm not an idiot, y/n," he sighed. "Were you reading comments again?" He knew me too well.
I shook my head slowly, looking away from him as I began to bite my fingernails--the tell-tale sign that I was hiding something, or in this case, lying.
"Stop doing that, you know how upset you get over the comments. None of them are true, so stop letting them get to you," he said, obviously upset.
"They are true, I don't know why you keep trying to tell me otherwise." I was annoyed, once again. This was an argument we were always having.
He looked pissed, "For the thousandth time, they're not true! You keep telling yourself that, but they're not. You're fucking perfect and I don't want you to change anything about yourself. Don't listen to them, they're all just jealous of me because I have the most amazing girl in my life."
I laughed at him, "Are you drunk?" I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous he sounded. So cliche, so scripted.
"Drunk? Wha- drunk on love, yeah maybe. Not intoxicated though. I'm serious, y/n. It's me talking, under no influence at all. I fucking love you, everything about you, and I will tell you a billion times if that's what it takes for you to understand that what I'm saying is true. Not what all of those others bitches are saying. But what I'm saying." He took a deep breath after letting all of that out.
I rolled my eyes at him, but I couldn't help myself from smiling through my tears. "I'm sorry I'm so insecure," I said. "I love you, too."
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alright, so this is really bad, sorry! i was just trying to use the line "are you drunk?" in a way that people wouldn't expect, and i thought of this and i just rolled with it. but halfway through, i realized how shitty it was 😂 but i still decided to publish it 🤷🏼♀️
