The first day of summer is one of the most liberating experiences ever. Waking up late, going straight to lunch and just lazing around all day. Bloody perfect. But this morning is different. I'm currently stuck in a red Volkswagen beetle. With my extra long legs folded, rather painfully if I may add, Sucks to be a 6 feet tall girl, and just watching mile after mile of green pastures and blue clouded skies pass by me. If I'm lucky, I spot a cow here or there. The beetle is meant for 4 people but with my height , I have no business stuffing myself into the blasted thing. My parents don't quite understand that and insist on using it anyway.
"Ina? You awake?" My mom asks me, interrupting my thoughts. Actually I do't even know what I was thinking about to begin with, if that gives any idea of how out of it I am. "Ina?"
"Yeah mom, 'm awake", I respond. My words come out muffled since my chine rests on my hand, covering my mouth up.
"Honey," she sighs "I know you don't really want to do this but-"
"Its fine mom. I don't really care." The last thing I want from this car ride is to have my mom lecture me on a topic that's been beaten to pulp since January. It's June now. Towards the end of my winter holidays, my parents made a pleasant announcement that because their twentieth anniversary passed three years ago, they waited till now to go on a big trip. The reason they didn't go then is because they preferred to do it after I graduated and now here we are. The catch? They want to go alone.
Before I had the chance to wonder where that left me, the happy couple went ahead to explain that one of dad's old childhood buddies owns a vineyard nearby. Nearby meaning a five hour drive (they forgot to mention that until this morning). I don't know who this friend is but from what they said she's apparently a nice and hospitable woman. The plan is that I'll spend two and a half months at this friend's house while they go around Europe, having the time of their lives. Needless to say, I'm more than mildly bitter about the arrangements.
Honestly at this point, I'm convinced that they just want a break from me. I've already graduated from high school and this is the summer before I go off to college, if I choose that path anyways. The past year has been them trying to convince me that college is thee way to go, otherwise I'll never be successful. Its not that I'm against a higher level education or anything, there's just nothing that interests me anymore. College feels like it'll be only a waste of money for my folks, even though they're loaded.
They're the epitome of what the society deems perfect, my parents. Dad's the owner of an incredibly successful law firm, which means he's always busy. When he isn't on his phone barking at some poor sap, he's holed up in his study, alienated from the rest of us. I can't remember the last time he properly spent time with me, but that's alright. Being alone has its perks and it's a solitude that I've grown rather accustomed to. There's no point in trying to persuade a conversation with him, he's not interesting. And I'm a firm believer of the idea that if a person has nothing interesting to say, they're better off being quiet. Small talk is agonizingly drab.
Then mom. She's a piece of work, that woman. In a country obsessed with perfect skin care, mom got into the right business by being a dermatologist. I've been to her office a couple of times and it's always filled with women, raging from late teens to how are they still alive. There's almost never a day when mom doesn't have a patient to see but it's a pretty sweet deal. All she does is walk in, listen to the patient complain, examine the affected areas of skin or whatever, prescribe some expensive cream, then move on to the next patient. Despite my shoddy description of her, people like her a lot. They find her charismatic, and to be candid, I agree. There's something about my mom that draws a person in. From a random person's standpoint, she's very attractive so it could be it, but it could also be the fact that she's nice. Everyone tends to feel though she's a person to be trusted. But when she's not in the office, she's out doing things with her friends like shopping or drinking tea. My mom and her friends drink tea too much, I swear if there's ever a shortage, they're going to be held responsible.
Which leaves me. Kim Ina, an embarrassingly ordinary offspring of two widely successful people. Though a part of me suspects that my parents think I'm deadbeat, I'm really not. There's a lot of things I liked to do in the past: art, music, sports. But with every passing year of high school, I grew tired of everything and never understood why. Maybe it's because every time Mr. and Mrs. found out, They'd try their hardest to ensure that I became the best at whatever I wanted to do. All that pushing had its consequences because now here I am, not enjoying anything anymore. The whole ordeal makes me sigh when I think about it, which is why I actively avoid it these days. When I graduated, they were so excited but then I told them that college may not be in my future, promptly wiping the smiles off their briefly proud faces. Its absurd how easily I disappointed them.
I let out a heavy sigh as another hour of mindless gazing begins. "Ina, are you bored?"
Dad asks, as if he doesn't already know the answer. It's not worth replying to so I stay quiet. When my phone buzzes in my lap, my hands immediately reach for it, thankful for a distraction. It was a text from Ivan, asking me if I'd already started the trip. Swiftly moving across he keypad, my fingers type out a 'yeah' and press send, dropping the phone back into my lap so that I can redirect my gaze to the vast nothingness on the other side of the window.
Ivan's one of my oldest friends but you wouldn't find two people who were more different. He's a kid who knew what he wanted to do with his life from back in middle school. Be a businessman. I call him an idiot all the time but in reality, that's the last thing he is. His mind's sharp and it's expected that once he graduates , he's to take over the family business alongside his father. True to his parents' wishes, his summer's going to be spent in the office. Though we grew up with each other, Ivan will never know how much I envy him. He's so put together with the job, a nice boyfriend and he's equipped with the brains to handle it all. There are time where all I want is his life just because of the lack of uncertainties. I'll never admit it to anyone but it's fucking terrifying, not knowing where you belong in this world. It's so big and I'm so small. Surely there's a place where I'm supposed to be... I just haven't found it yet.
"Maybe some music will help?" Mom suggests as she leans over to turn on the radio with the press of a perfectly manicured finger.
"No, let's keep it quiet," Dad shoots the idea down immediately and misses my eye roll. "I don't want a headache." Not questioning him, she places her back against the seat and looks out the window. Typical.
"Thanks mom," I mutter softly. Catching my gratitude, she looks back at me and and her thin, red-lipstick covered lips part to reveal prefect teeth in an affectionate smile. Mom nods, reaching back to take my hand for a minute. Her thumb softly rubs against my palm; I don't let go. Her warm touch feels nice on my own cold skin. Dad just continues driving silently, his eyes never once leaving the boring, straight road. I really hope this vineyard is worth it. Worth waking up at 7 am on the first day of vacation and being packed into a car with my vapid parents.
Two hours down, three more to go.
