I woke up to the smiling face of my daughter as she pulled and pinched at my face. Her big brown eyes and crooked smile instantly warmed my heart. I pulled her close and showered her face with kisses. Today was just like any other day, but any day I can wake up to her smiling face was a good one.
I held her to my chest and scooted to the edge of the bed to take her to get her changed and dressed. Even 9 months after having Tasia I still feel like I'm in a dream. Being a mom is he most rewarding thing I've ever felt. Of course it has its hard days where I wish I could get just one minute alone to myself besides when I'm at work, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
"Mamamadadadada," Tasia coos.
"Is that right?" I ask her pretending to understand. "Tell me more!"
She continues excitedly chattering as a finish putting her socks on her.
Just like any other day after getting her dressed, feed her fruit purée and baby cereal for breakfast, and than set her to play with her blocks and balls in her play pen.
I rush to my room and hurriedly pick out a comfortable yet presentable outfit and throw it on. I may not have my life together, but I want to at least appear as if I do. I can hear her still chattering and playing away. So, I take this precious time to do my hair in something other than a messy bun. I braid my long, curly, black hair to one side, and take a step back to assess my appearance. I'm wearing a maroon colored tank top with a decorative quarter zipper in the front paired with grey skinny jeans that hug my large hips and thighs. I peak my head in to check on Asia before I decide to accompany my outfit with a cardigan and long necklace. I try to look decent because I want to be a mom that my daughter can be proud of, though I know I'll need to lose quite a few pounds before I'm in decent condition.
It's not that I have horrible self esteem or anything, I don't. It's just that I want to teach her to lead a healthy fulfilling lifestyle, and the best way to teach in my opinion is to lead by example. So, I've recently started dieting, but until I start seeing results I'm stuck with a very full, yet hour glass type figure.
I go to sit on the couch next to my daughters play pen, and rejoice in hearing her scream in excitement when she sees me. She's so beautiful. She's my whole life right now, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I'm only 22 years old, so a lot of people didn't believe I would take to motherhood, but so far I've proved them wrong and I hope I will continue to do so. I'm a single mom, but I'm not bitter about it at all. I feel so much happier and relieved to be free of a relationship that no longer had any love in it. We were young and dumb and in way over our heads. Though the relationship didn't work, I would never want to take back those three years because they led to me gaining the best part of me.
I recently was accepted into a nursing program, so I'm a few years time I will be able to provide for my daughter with no help and no struggle and I can't wait to get to that point. My daughter deserves for me to give my very best efforts and to be the best mom I can be for her. She doesn't know it, but she was my savior; my light in a dark tunnel.
I glance at the decorative gear clock on the wall; 9:13 am. I decide to try to get a little homework done while she's being so content playing in her pen.
An hour passes and she begins to fuss. Wow! That's the longest Asia's kept herself entertained. She is getting so good at self soothing. I reach in and pick her up and talk to her asking her what was wrong, in that awful baby voice we can't help but use. She giggles and puts her hands to my face. I purse my lips, asking for a kiss, she leans forward but then decided otherwise. She's such a teaser.
At this point in my life I am so happy just being able to look forward to the promising future and spend these precious moments with my child. I have a lot going for me now, and much more to come.
I'm I have a full time job as a CNA, nothing glamorous but it pays the bills. I have an apartment where Tasia can have her own room when she's ready, it's spacious and close to the pool and park, which I love taking her too, and since I work overnights at work it leaves plenty of time to get homework done without taking too much time away from my daughter. Right now I only go to class 12 hours a week. I couldn't bare to be away from my daughter much longer than the 12 hours at class and 40 at work. It's hard enough as is. When I'm at class or at work when her dad is off he has her, and when he's working my mom watches her. I don't trust daycares with my baby. I really am living the life, at least in my opinion I am.
Sometimes I think about how wonderful it would be to share my life with a significant other, but it's not something that burdens me or that I think is incredibly important. I would love to be in love, but I'm not out looking for it either.
I let out a sigh as I hear my phone alarm go off. Time to leave for class.
I scoop up Tasia, and grab the wipes and a diaper changing her quickly before we go to leave. I situate her on my hip, grab my purse and keys and lock the door behind us. I cautiously make my way down the three flights of stairs form my apartment to the car.
First I turn the car on so it will start to cool down for Tasia, then I set my stuff down on the pavement. Tasia starts to fuss as she notices the car seat, she hates that thing. I make sure she's securely in her seat before I put my things in the car and get in myself.
"To Daddy's house we go," I sing song to her. She giggles, so I giggle too. She has that affect on me.
