So It Seemed // Why Don't We ✔

Chapter 26: Again

"So, let me just give up
So, let me just let go
If this isn't good for me, well I don't wanna know
Let me just stop trying
Let me just stop fighting"
-You Don't Know by Katelyn Tarver

"Desperate people do desperate things." -Michael Brooks

~---☀-----☀---~

It's been a couple weeks since I got back. Also a couple weeks since I found out I liked two boys. They both still showed affection towards me, but only at home and not around anyone else.

Secretly, I've been relapsing. I knew I was breaking my promise, but what Zach didn't know couldn't hurt him. I hated doing this, but I needed to feel something. I never went deep enough, like the other times. Just enough to feel something.

My phone vibrated and I saw Daniel texted from downstairs.

Dani🍉: Wanna come with me, Zach and Corbyn to Chipotle?

Me: Uhh sure. Be right down

Dani🍉: Kk

I slipped a Seattle sweatshirt over my sports bra, paired with my track shorts. I ran a comb through my hair and slipped on Nike slides. I waked downstairs and saw the three waiting for me.

"Let's go!" I said ushering them out.

We drove to Chipotle and got out, walking inside. We got our stuff, and things for the others who stayed home. We put everything back in the car and started heading back. While on the way, Dani spoke up.

"So... what's been going on between you three?" He asked.

I could hear Zach from the front seat choke on his pop. I looked at Corbyn to see him looking at me. We never said anything to the band or my siblings. It only stayed between us three. I decided to play dumb and hopefully Zach and Corbyn will follow.

"What are you talking about?" I asked back.

He chuckled, "There's something going on between your three. I wanna know what it is. So, tell me now or I'll give all your Chipotle to Jonah."

Zach hesitated, "There isn't anything going on between us."

Daniel laughed, "Stop playing dumb. Zach spill it." He stopped laughing.

"Ummm..... Corbyn, care to explain?" He laughed nervously.

"No I think Milan would though!" He turned to me.

I sighed, "I really don't wanna. But I will. Zach and I like each other. But so do Corbyn and I."

He looked shocked, "Wow."

"That's all?" Corbyn asked.

"Yep. Can I tell the others?" Daniel asked politely.

"I don't know..." I sighed.

"Come on. It'll be fine. We'll keep it a family secret." He laughed.

"Fine. But if they freak, it's on you." I pointed to Dani.

We got home and got all the food out. We all ate by the pool and then went back inside. Daniel already told everyone about us three. They were a little surprised but found it adorable.

~

I'm currently laying in bed, awake, at 2:35 am. I can't sleep and I wasn't sure why.

The news about the three of us has gotten to me. I loved those two, but I couldn't choose. It would break one of them, and this is what I've been trying to avoid. I wondered if it would all stop if I was gone.

No. I shook my head to free the thoughts. I wouldn't do that again. I knew at this point I was desperate, but I can't really do it. Not yet at least.

I turned over and faced the window. I could see all the stars, and suddenly I couldn't feel anything at all. It was like my body was under control. I got up and walked downstairs quietly. I walked out by the pool and sat down, with my feet in the water.

So many memories were made by this pool. It was where I found out I liked Corbyn too. I chuckled at the thought of us ever having anything.

"Mind if I join you?"

I turned around to see no other than Jonah. I nodded and patted beside me. He sat down with his feet in the water, wearing only basketball shorts. He'd become my best friend over time.

"Why are you out here?" Jonah asked quietly.

I looked at him seriously, "Just thinking. And I could ask you the same thing."

He chuckled, "That isn't how this works. And I'm out here cause I thought of the first night we sat out here by each other. The stars drew me out of my room."

"Pretty much the same here. Miss that night." I laughed lightly.

"Yeah. Me too." He sighed.

I gazed at the stars, "You and Tate. How are you guys doing?"

He turned to me, "We're doing just fine. I love that girl, I really do."

"Good. I like seeing you happy. That's what makes me happy." I smiled.

"I like seeing you happy too. But you've been a little down lately. What's up with that?" Jonah looked at me seriously.

I knew he'd ask this sooner or later. Though I prefer it be later, the time was now... but not time to tell the truth.

"Not sure. Just haven't been feeling it lately, ya know?" I looked at the water.

Jonah sighed, "Promise me you won't relapse. For us?"

I nodded, "I promise." Lie.

We said goodnight and we headed off towards our rooms. I lay down and wonder what would happen if I finally succeeded.