Why?{A Langst Fanfiction}[Voltron]

Part 1

'thoughts'
'IT'

🌊Lance POV🌊
I was in my room now.
Crying.
Thats all I could do, I'm so pathetic...
'Maybe he was right'. 'no he can't be He can't He can't He CaN't He CaN...'

The voice it came back. After all the time it took for me to recover it came back. It was not going to leave...Lance knew that there was no way to stop the IT, and now he didn't want to?

'I need to freshen up.' my foundation wasn't water proof. That being said I was crying which caused it to smudge and look wierd. As I take off my make up, my reflection once again reminds me of the thick scar going across my neck. The scar was around 4-5 inches thick and had an indented light pink patch when it healed. On earth the doctor said that if would never go away and that was the most it would heal. I slowly traced over it with my fingers thinking back to what it was like at earth. I hope Mami, Livi, Levi and the triplets, Elaine, Cole, and Cameron are okay.

_-_-_-_-_-_-flashback-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
(trigger warning beyond this point)

I was around twelve I had just comeback from my first day at school. When walking up to my front door you could tell someting was wrong just from the sound of glass smashing and shouts coming from inside burned inside my head from before. We used to live in a run down area of the city where all of this was considered normal now due to how frequently it happened. Hesitantly I opened the door knowing I'd regret everything that came afterword. Slowly trying to not make a sound I close the door carefully, however he still saw me. As soon as the door closed I felt a yank on my hair forcefully picking me off the ground.
"Where have you been you little piece of sh*t!" alcohol dripping off his everyword.
"S-school father." I replied knowing what would come next.
Glass. A glass bottle rammed into the side of my head, shattering the bottle and creating sharp edges.
"Don't you talk back to me you smart a*s!" he slurred throwing me on the ground and walking to the kitchen get a new bottle of wiskey.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- end of flashback-_-_-_-_-_-

Knock knock

Startled I knocked over something on the ledge of the counter.

"Lance we came to say sorry, can you come out?"
'I cannot face them like this! I dont even have my makeup on!'

"U-u-umm sorry I cant come out right now can y-you just say it through the d-door?" I hope they overlook my studdering.
It was hard to hear but Pidge had just said "I bet he is just redoing his makeup! He is such a drama queen."
Resulting in quiet laughs around the team, well except Lance.
"Y-yeah*giggles* we are so-*giggles* s-sorry"
"Th-thanks" I know they didnt mean it. They are only doing it because Coran cared to speak up for me.

I looked aroumd for the object I had dropped and sure enough It knew what I had dropped.
'look over there, a razor how wonderful! We can go back to before you tried to get rid of me.'
'no I promised Mami'
'That doesn't matter she cant see you now. She would probably be dissapointed if she did anyway'
'No thats...not true!'
However I already found myself reaching for the razor. Gripping the cold metal and sending a wave of pain seconds later as the cold metal peicered the skin so easily releasing a crimson liquid from my arm. 1 cut. 'I'm so sorry Mami I let you down' 'She is glad that your doing this again. You aren't good for anything else'
2 cuts
'Useless'
3 cuts
'weak'
4 cuts
'mistake'
5 cuts

Tears blurred my vision and mixed in with the dark liquid on the floor. I didn't want to stand anymore I just wanted to sleep...forever.
'no I promised Livi'
'pathetic'
6 cuts
My vission swayed as I tried to reach for the guaz wrap in the cabinet.
'Hit a nerve I see, being a seventh wheel must be hard. You cant even make it to 10 cuts how sad. As I recall our record was-'
'STOP No I-I dont want to remember...c-can't you just l-leave?'
'Now now we both know the answer to that. Oh wait you're too stupid! The answer is N.O. that is how you spell No by the way!'

The blood had began to pool on the floor along with the tears. I grabbed the bandage and began to tightly wrap my arm, whincing as I would wrap over a new cut.

As soon as I was done I began to clean up the bathroom. I wiped the blood witha wet rag witch soaked it. Upon rinsing out the rag I took a look in the mirror.
'Talk about a face only a mother could love'
My eyes were red and puffy from all the crying. Lips still quivering, and hair curly. I was a mess. Physically and mentally.
I tried to smile.
I broke down into tears.
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'I finally got it! I can 'smile'!'

'Only to cover you hideous flaws, such as...wait there are too many to count! At least you can smile know you will never be happy. As long as you are alive that is'