Suffer in Silence

After

When I get up in the morning I can smell the stale smell of Jack Daniel's,  Pappas drink of choice, looming in my bedroom.

I always wondered why Pappa doesn't do his evening visits in Faiths room,  but it's not a question to be asked.

Its not something talked about. 

Yes,  Mamma knows,  and she hates me for it. She says I ask for it and I like it.

Why would I want this?

I turn over when I hear Pappa's soft snore next to me.

He truly is a handsome man, but what a disgusting soul.

This has been going on since as long as I can remember.  First he would choose me to put to bed while mamma put Faith to sleep. He would pretend to fall asleep with me and then he would have the whole night to be with me.

How could mom be so blind? She let this go on for all these years.

I get up for breakfast,  Pappa grunts and turns over as I lift up.  I walk into the kitchen to find mom with her cup of coffee reading her book.

"Mornin' sweety",  she says cheerfully.

" Hello, Ma",  I reply dryly.

Why does she not react with all the information she has.  She's such a coward.

"What's are you making for breakfast, Joy? " says Faith jokingly.

"Pancakes and bacon, only if you clean though."

This is what we do, I cook she cleans, it works better that way for us.

As we eat, the only sounds you can hear is the quiet crunches of the crisp bacon. Faith really is a fantastic cook, better than myself. My specialty is KD with overcooked noodles.

Faith and I hurry to get ready for school, missing the bus is not an option.  Ma gets mad and makes hungover Papa drive, NOT an option.

Faith runs out the door while I quickly try to finish straightening my mop some would call hair. The bus stop isn't far, I can make it.
I go to the kitchen and grab a few things for lunch, kiss Ma and fly out the door.

As I walk briskly towards the bus stop I don't see faith but I do see a big yellow blur in the distance and I know I've missed the bus.

I would rather walk the 40 minute walk than get Pa to drive me.  The smell of his nauseated me as it is a sick reminder of last night.  I begin the walk to school.

As I walk I see young elementary kids walking with their mothers, hand in hand. Oh, how I miss the days of innocence, of carelessness, of not knowing any better.
I feel like shooting out to them, "just wait until you're my age, just wait till' your biggest pains are more than a scraped knee". But I don't.
Leave them in ignorance.  Ignorance is bliss.

I know I'm late for school as I no longer am passing any school children.  I know my phone must be blowing up with messages from Faith letting me know I have missed the bus, like I wouldn't know.

The walk feels long alone. No one to talk to, just me and my thoughts.  Cars pass by on their way to work.  How I'd love a car, if I had one, I'd be out of this town faster than you could blink.

As I wait at the stop sign, I hear someone shouting, it's a man's voice. I turn to my left to see a jet black two door car.  I walk closer to it "do you need a lift?" The man asks.  Pa taught me the #1 rule.  Don't get into a stranger's car.  But Pa doesn't follow the other #1 rule, don't touch your daughter.

I open the passenger door and lift my left foot in.

"Sure, I'd love one."