Don't Look Back

1

*Don't look back, your not going that way.

I always have these moments.You know the ones where your completely alone and everything is just going terribly.But lately, it's felt like this should be where I ended it all.The place where all of the crying I've done, the lies, the countless and merciless attacks.This is where, it all finally ends.And, I know that there are always those bullshit quotes online and everywhere around you telling you to keep smiling.But how can you smile, when you have absolutely nothing to be happy about?I've tried countless times to figure it out but I never can.

But I guess that's just me.My twisted mindset, and hollow emotions don't really ever let me have any good days.Not that there are ever any.Most days, I slap a smile onto my face and continue to make sure that no one can truly see anything that I'm hiding.The fact that, I don't really have any fight left in me.It's all an act.All of it.So when, the people around say they know me they really don't.They know nothing of how I cried myself to sleep every night for three months after the first rumour about me was spread.And everyone that had claimed to be my friend left.

They all just left.Just like that, they didn't even try to fight for me.But I guess they forgot,they forgot the countless times I hid in a ultimately different space.Where, I learned that I wasn't really supposed to show any of my true emotions.After all, who'd care besides me.No one.They all pretend to, so that they can clear their conscience.But I don't forget.I'll never forget any of it.Because every time I sit alone in silence, I hear their words.Echoing over and over in my head.

Whenever, I close my eyes for even a millisecond I see when I gave up.The moment where I'd finally realised that none of it mattered.I was always going to feel this way.No matter how hard I tried not to. I'll bet that someone out there right now feels what I've always felt,disappointment.