"You're not looking at me" he said with a carefree laugh.
I finally allowed my ocean eyes to meet his.
"Today, it hurts to look at you"
He looked at me, his crisp blue eyes shining with bright and eager anticipation. With a slight tilt of his head, he said "What do you mean?"
I breathed in a gentle sigh, and bit the tip of my tongue. I would regret this.
"What I mean is that, sometimes when I look at you, I feel happy. I feel like I am soaring through the sky, lifting higher and higher and gaining speed. It's beautiful. It's a wonderful feeling, and that's when I see you in the best of light.
I see you as an angel, a perfect figure of the purest intentions. Your laugh is a bell of serenity and your accent gives me goosebumps of excitement. That's when I know that I can trust you, and that even though what I feel isn't right, at those moments, they just are.
Sometimes when I look at you I feel disappointment. Disappointment in myself for driving myself crazy in love with you, to the point that I completely disregard that fact that you have a girlfriend who you no doubt love greatly, and she really seems like a good person. But, even in saying that..
I hate her. Immensely.
Sometimes I look at you and feel sick. Be it lovesick, or so disgusted in myself that I feel sick to the stomach.
You shine so bright, that I can't help but admire you and pine for you.
And just that, makes me sick.
But those feelings, I still manage to look at you. I still put on a smile, and laugh with you like usual, because it's easy to pretend that I don't have feelings for you.
But there are times, when I cannot look at you because I feel sadness and pain.
It hurts to look at somebody you like so much, who look as though they're looking at you with the exact same feeling.
It hurts to fool myself into thinking that we are more than work colleagues.
It hurts to look at somebody who will never feel the same as I do"
