breaking free

The Concert

     I met back up with Rachel and ignored her as she obsessively gushed over how beautiful Xavier was, how she was gonna hook up with him, and how she thinks he was into her cause he kept looking at her boobs. Okay, maybe I didn't ignore her, but I definitely tried my hardest to. Rachel was always so boy crazy, and I didn't join in with her gushing because one, she had a boyfriend. And two, Xavier seemed full of himself to me, don't get me wrong, he was gorgeous, but I could tell he knew it too, he seemed arrogant and self centered. I had always hated that type of attitude. Rachel had her moments when she acted self absorbed, but when it all came down to it, she wasn't. I wouldn't blame her for being self absorbed sometimes though, she was absolutely beautiful, with her long and wavy red hair and flawless skin. I don't think I've ever seen that girl with a pimple.

     "Do you not think he's cute or something Luna?" She asked, shaking me out of my thoughts.

     "Of course I do, but what about Preston?"

     "Oh whatever, I'm not really worried about him, yanno, the last time we talked was last week. He hasn't called or dropped by or anything."

     I furrowed my eyebrows together, her reasoning still didn't make it okay to go after another guy. I knew all too well what it felt like to be cheated on, and Preston was such a nice boyfriend to Rachel. But I knew what this really was about, he was too nice. Rachel likes guys that treat her like shit and use her. She won't admit it, but she's knows it's true. She has a hard time staying with a guy that gives her everything she wants, is loyal and respectful, and would never want to hurt her because she has issues. I did too though, we all had our own issues. I've been in more bad relationships than I could count.

"We're pretty much on a break right now. Calm down Luna, we talked about seeing other people."

I breathed out a sigh of relief, "Okay Rach, I'm just making sure. You know how I feel about cheating."

     Rachel and I watched as, little by little, people entered, taking their spots on the dark floor. Some people tried pushing us out of the way. We may have looked weak, but damn did we stand our ground. You did not wanna cross Rachel and me.

There were so many people there, ranging all the way from preteens to middle aged and they just kept coming and coming until the room was completely packed, full of loud and excited fans.

Once again I was floored, my brother was slowly becoming a legend while I was at some stupid institution, wasting my life day by day. I don't want to live the rest of my life in that god forsaken place. I wanna live my life, I'm 19 fucking years old, these are the years where I'm supposed to be partying every night, drinking, having sex, falling in love, going on spur of the moment road trips, being spontaneous, not waking up every morning and being force fed til I physically can't take it anymore. It seems like forever since I'd been admitted into the rehab. About 4 months ago, Rachel had found me passed out on the floor of her bathroom. She called 911 and an ambulance rushed me to the hospital, and the verdict was self starvation. I hadn't eaten for weeks and weeks at that point in my life. Everyone was so disappointed in me, at least that's what it felt like. My mom didn't say much, she hadn't said much at all since our father's death. My brother was one of the only people that actually understood. We both struggled with body image and gone through points of major insecurity and turned to eating disorders as a solution. But eating disorders never did help, they just seemed to make things worse. I just want to go home at this point, be with my brother and best friend and actually be there for my mother.

     I was dragged out of my thoughts when the lights started to dim. Rachel grabbed my hand and smiled at me.

     "You're gonna shit your pants."

I gave a hard belly laugh, shaking my head and rolling my eyes, knowing that she was probably right.

As the lights dimmed, Lindsey grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Are you ready?" She asked, excitedly, as though she might not even be ready for it.

"To shit my pants? Hell yeah." I replied, a huge teethy grin forming across my face, as I looked at the bare stage above me. Purple, blue, and green lights danced across it, bouncing off the nearby walls and reflected on the faces of all the people nearby. A cloud of smoke began to inch across the stage as well, causing people in the crowd to begin clapping, and yelling. Rachel let go of my hand, and joined in. For a second, I stood still, in awe. Then I joined in as well, yelling at the top of my lungs and clapping as hard as I could.

All the lights in the entire building then, including the brightly colored ones, went off.
I let out a slight gasp, and Rachel grabbed my hand once more, reassuring me. All was dark silent for about 10 seconds. I looked around and so many people had their phones out, recording. In complete darkness? I thought.

Suddenly, all of the light came on, at the exact same time, and new bright lights came on last, focusing in on the band members, including my brother, who was standing to the right side of the stage. Lindsey and I were at the very front, in the dead center, so we had a pretty much perfect view of everyone. Xavier stood right in front of us, holding his microphone that was in its stand. A group of girls a few years younger than me next to us screamed, as if this guy was a god or something. Seriously?  No wonder this guy was so into himself. They reached their hands up at him. He began to notice, and smirked at them, and winked. Gross. They were most likely underage, but whatever. I wasn't here to think about some random guy who was in love with himself. I was here to watch my brother play a concert, something I'd never thought I'd witness.

My brother was always pretty shy and dorky. I never thought he'd end up in a cool alternative band such as this. They all were so  good-looking, definitely easy on the eyes. That's probably part of the reason why they were popular. Danny never liked the way he looked, but he definitely got a lot of attention during high school. Maybe this would help boost his confidence a bit more. He looked so natural, standing up there, with dad's guitar resting in his hands. His deep brown hair was slightly disheveled and his bright blue eyes that were lit up from the lights definitely resembled the features of a star.

     Good looks definitely ran in the family. My dad was very handsome and strong looking. Stubble painted his chin and jawline, highlighting his piercing ocean blue eyes and salt and pepper hair. He was quite tall too, around 6'3 I believe. Danny got his height from him, and build. We both had piercing blue eyes like him, but ours were lighter like mom's. Our mother was a show stopper, no doubt. She was pretty tall too, standing at 5'9. She had shiny and wavy warm brown locks and naturally tan skin. Very slim and fit as well. I always envied her physique and her features, though many people told me I resembled her very closely. But my hair seemed to be messier, and my body didn't seem as proportionate. I was shorter than her, at 5'5 and my skin was never as tan. Neither was Danny's. Our mother was always the prettiest at events for our school and other things, and when our parents showed up together, every other parent would be visibly envious of how perfect our family looked. That's what has been the hardest on Danny and I. We had so many expectations to grow up and be as perfect as our parents, that in the end I guess my body couldn't take it anymore.

     My brother and the bassist, I forgot what his name was, began to strum some notes. The music was beautiful, each note felt (as cliche as it was) like magic. The drummer with the cute messy hair joined in eventually. I think him name was Riley. Then eventually the keyboardist started to play. Xavier has his eyes closed, swaying his body to the music, still holding the mic. The crowd swayed with him, in unison.

     He began to sing, "First, you looked so strong...."

     My mouth dropped. His voice was beautiful. I didn't fancy him, but his voice was so smooth and now I understood why the girls swooned.

     "Then you fade away..."

     The drums started to get more intense, as the beautiful music brought the crowd to life. Xavier's eyes sparkled almost as he sung the beautiful lyrics.

     "The sun will blind my eyes. I love you anyways.."

    It was a cover of Vapour Trail by Ride, which was my parent's song. they used to sing it together in the car when we were little. Memories rushed back in my head, mixed emotions came with them. I didn't know whether to cry or dance or throw up. Nevertheless, it was beautiful.