Thanksgiving

It was Thanksgiving Day, and I was yet to figure out what I was thankful for. Yet as I was preparing the dinner, I couldn't help but consider what it might be. Momma had always been adamant about me choosing something I was thankful for, for 'tradition's sake'. Well, it was more like she was hoping I would say, 'You Momma', or 'little Suzie's love' or something sappy and cutesy to fuel her idea of how perfect our family is. I used to tell her what I was really thankful for, things like the fall breeze or my friend's cookies. Momma didn't like it when I said things like that. In fact, she hated it.

A few years ago I discovered that if I could smile wide enough when I told her what I'm thankful for, she would believe me, and instead of taking me outside later that night for a quick lesson in being thankful, she would give me a pat on the head.

But she figured my act out last year when I repeated 'your lovely cooking' one time too many. That's why I'm here now, preparing the meal like a good daughter. This would be my way of saying thank you this year. As long as I paired it with the perfect line, Momma shouldn't need to take me outside this year.

So I began my meal. First I pulled out the ingredients, taking out all I need. The turkey of course is a given, then the cranberries and the stuffing, the potatoes and the seasoning. Next I brought out the bowls, mallet, and the carving knife. Momma told me that the meal must be perfectly tender for little Suzie because she hates anything that's too tough. So she bought me a small slab of turkey meat and special potatoes for the casserole that I can beat impeccably, just for Suzie. Readying the mallet, I began preparing the meal to perfection.

God forbid if Suzie got anything less.

Maybe that's what I can be thankful for this year. 'My darling sister' isn't a line that I've used recently, mostly because I can barely bring myself to say it, but also because it's hard for me to find a reason to say it. Suzie has never been, what's the word, kind. Since the day she was born, she's caused me nothing but pain. Yes, at first all I felt was the typical sort of newfound sibling rivalry, but it grew into more than that. Momma who used to love me more than anything, turned her gaze completely away from me and to the new little baby.

The meat began to ooze a light red juice with my next whack of the mallet.

It started with little things like arriving late to pick me up from school or not giving me a lunch. Then it warped into something much more, like forgetting to look for me during a game of hide and seek, or leaving me behind when she went out for weekend trips. And like the snap of my fingers, it felt like she had forgotten about me for good.

And it's not like this is my fault alone either. Suzie herself noticed our Momma's admiration and made sure to use it to its full ability. I could remember one day in particular when Suzie was seven years old- far past the age of being the family's 'little darling baby girl'- when she wanted a bite of my sandwich. I promptly told her no because it was the first thing I've eaten all day, which only infuriated her more. So I left the room to get some peace and quiet outside. The quiet was soon interrupted.

"Hey Anna May, whatcha doin'," Momma asked me, appearing from the back gate, the only exit from the yard. She wore her signature blue stained sweater and her jeans were riddled with new little burn holes. She had been smoking.

"Nothin Momma," I replied, "just eating my sandwich."

"Really Anna May? Cause Suzie tells me otherwise."

The adrenaline I usually felt before Momma 'teaches me' shot through me, and I began to rise.

"What'd she say Momma?" I tried my best to move my thin brown hair away from my eyes to appear as innocent as possible.