So long, Baekhyun (EXO Baekyeol)

So long, Baekhyun (part one)

All those years, Chanyeol had loved him with all his heart.

All those years, he hadn’t noticed.

Chanyeol had never been good with words. In fact, he was terrible. He messed them up as he spoke, he stuttered and used them wrong. But the worst thing was, he never properly expressed himself.

So when he met Baekhyun, he had fallen face first in love, or at least he had when he realized what love was and how it felt. It wasn’t that kind of love that burned for two weeks then disappeared. It was a smaller flame, but a flame that continued to burn a hole through Chanyeol’s heart like a paper lit on fire. And all that remained, was the ashes of his pained feelings. But like a phoenix, his heart rose from them, and gave the flame more fuel. This continued for a couple of years. And Chanyeol knew that his time was running out.

-

Since Chanyeol was a kid, he wasn’t the strongest. He wasn’t the loudest. He wasn’t the funniest. Everyone knew that even though Chanyeol was tall, he didn’t say much. And this didn’t give him many friends. Because he knew that he wouldn’t last long. Maybe that was why he kept quiet. To keep people away. In the end, it wasn’t just something he did on purpose, but something that became a part of him. Chanyeol never became good with words. Ever since he could remember, he had always distanced himself.

Through elementary and middle school, Chanyeol had one friend. In the end, he thought, that was all he needed. But then, as he entered high school, Baekhyun came around.

Baekhyun was everything Chanyeol wasn’t. He was funny and bubbly. He was innocent, yet mischievous. He was loud, yet good with words. He was everything Chanyeol wanted to be, but failed miserably at being. He was everything. So why Baekhyun chose him as his best friend, Chanyeol couldn’t understand.

At first, he had pushed Baekhyun away. Told him to leave. No one could be around Chanyeol. Less to miss, was his philosophy. Less to miss, less to regret. But Baekhyun had been persistent. He had followed Chanyeol home. To work. When he walked his dog. When he went grocery shopping. And Chanyeol couldn’t understand it. Baekhyun was popular – no doubt about that. He was everything girls wanted, and everything guys wanted to be. He had perfect looks – milky white skin, big, sparkly eyes, a friendly face and handsome features. He already had everything, and Chanyeol had nothing to give him. Well, unless Baekhyun wanted awkward moments of silence. Chanyeol was certainly good with those. But despite his close-to-none attempts of any sort of effort towards Baekhyun’s friendship with him, Baekhyun still stayed. And he couldn’t believe it. Because the other boy could have anything – anyone – he wanted. But he still chose Chanyeol. And maybe it was this realization that made Chanyeol slowly fall in love with him.

He didn’t know exactly when he stared loving Baekhyun. It wasn’t at first at least – he refused to bind himself to anyone. Commitment wasn’t to be found in his vocabulary. But he still found himself slowly falling, despite his efforts to stay cold towards everyone.

And he figured that even though he didn’t know when he started loving Baekhyun, it might have been during the freezing cold, grey winters when they shared a blanket and two cups of hot chocolate. It might have been during the deadly hot summers, where Baekhyun would lose his ice cream on the ground, and end up eating Chanyeol’s instead.

But not knowing was fine by Chanyeol. It was a lot of things he didn’t know, and a lot of this he would never know either. Most things, Baekhyun would know in the end – some things that Chanyeol knew about, and heaps of things he didn’t.

That was one of the nice things about knowing the few things Chanyeol did – he accepted wholeheartedly.