Love (Ava's story)

Love Letters and Beyond

I am clutching his letter in my right hand as I barrel through the halls. The paper is soft and wrinkled and his beautiful words are smudged because I have read them over and over countless times, memorizing every curve and dip. I squeeze past the throngs of students clogging up the hallways and my heart beats faster with every step. He said to meet him at the front of the school right after class ended on my first day back in his letter, but that was days ago when I had received it. What if he forgot? What if something else came up? My palms are sweating and my heart feels like its going to burst out of my chest. Why am I so nervous to meet him? Of course it's been around three years since I had last seen him but still...this wasn't like me.

 I push through the front doors of our school, breathing in the crisp fall air. I scan the crowds of high schoolers before me and anticipation is clawing its way up my chest. I haven't seen him in three years! I have no idea what he even looks like! So stupid, I think to myself. You are so goddam stupid. Letters?! Who exchanges letters nowadays?! Why didn't you exchange emails or phone numbers? Then you would've seen each other sooner instead of relying on a goddam letter! But deep down, I know why I was scared to exchange that kind of information. Because that would've meant that I would've had to talk to him face to face and I couldn't put up with that pressure of constantly keeping the conversation going. And now here I was, minutes, maybe even seconds from meeting him and having that kind of encounter of scared excitement. I really couldn't find him in this crowd of people. I slowly start to descend down the stairs, my heart sinking with each step. I wasn't very tall so my viewpoint was rather compromised. When I reached the bottom, I let out an internal sigh, biting my lip. But no, I wasn't giving up hope. I would continue to wait here until I found him or he showed up. I gave myself a determined nod and continued up the stairs in search of him once again.

It was dusk already, the crowds of high schoolers long gone. I am sitting alone on the steps in front of the school hugging my backpack for warmth, my chin propped on top of it. I stare at a crack on the concrete steps trying to ignore this ache at the back of my throat that won't go away. My heart feels like it's dying in my chest and I am staring at this crack so hard my eyes feel like they are going to pop out any second. Don't cry. Don't cry. Do not cry. Don't you dare cry. I tell myself over and over again. It's okay if he's late. He must've forgotten or something else had come up. It's okay. We will meet soon and everything will be okay. I take a deep shaky breath in and let it out slowly. I wrap my arms around my backpack even tighter. But the more I thought about this and the more I thought about him and how I waited day and night for this meeting ever since he sent me that letter, the more my self-control seemed to crumble. My vision turns blurry and I will myself not to let these stupid tears fall on the stupid concrete step because I will be crying over such a stupid thing. I swipe my eyes on my sleeve and check my watch. It's already four. That meant I had been sitting here for over two hours. I stand up and dust off the seat of my pants, hauling my backpack over my shoulders. I really should be getting home. I have a lot of homework and projects and school is very important. More important than this. Right?

As I start down the steps, I suddenly stop short, realizing something. My house is at least a fifteen minute drive away from school and I have no way of getting home. My mom doesn't come home from work until at least seven and even then, we don't own a car. Oh my gosh. I think to myself. I am actually stuck at school. The absurdity of my situation makes me bark out in laughter. That is, until I realize that I am actually stuck at school. With no way home. At all.

 I drop my backpack on the steps and curl up in a ball. Okay Sophia, think. Think. What are some possible solutions to this seemingly impossible situation? I start to rock back and forth. There might be some people staying after for sports or clubs. I could possibly hitch a ride home. You know, with a complete stranger. I could walk home, which would probably talk a very long time. A wind blows past me and I shiver as the leaves in front of me swirl in a mini tornado. 

And then, as if in a dream, I hear someone calling my name. "Sophia! Sophia! Is that you?" I suddenly stand up and there is a silhouette of a boy jogging towards me waving his arm in the air. Oh my gosh. My heart suddenly comes alive, thumping wildly and all I can think is it's him it's him it must be him. "Oh my gosh, Jason! Is that you? Oh my gosh!" I shout back at him and I am suddenly running towards him; the distance between us too much. As he comes closer I see the way the setting sun frames his body and I see his brown hair being tousled in the wind and the sun making it shine and oh my gosh are those muscles?! When I had last seen him he was a skinny boy all awkward arms and legs and now coming towards me was this... this man. 

I am running so fast now and when we collide my hands clutch the front of his jacket and I bury my face in his chest, on his furiously beating heart because He is so tall now, I think in a dazed wonder. His arms are around me with his chin on the top of my head and he is stroking my hair and repeating my name over and over again "Sophia. Sophia. Sophia." And then I suddenly realize that I am whispering his name into his chest "Jason. Jason. Jason. We pull away and I am staring into his eyes. His eyes which are like the night's sky on a midsummer's eve and they are shining like they've been showered by stardust. His face looks so different yet so familiar at the same time. My eyes flit to his lips and it's like I'm seeing them for the first time: his full lower lip and the way his cupids bow dips. My eyes meet his again and something in them has changed. He glances to my mouth and then back at me again. He leans in closer, almost hesitantly and the air feels so fragile and still, that with one wrong breathe we could ruin this moment. 

Then, when we are so close, he whispers to me, his words grazing my lips, "Can I?"

"Yes", I whisper back and I pull him closer, closing the distance between us.