Flaws

Chapter 1

Dear diary,

I am nothing. I hate life but the only thing that keeps me going is Liam and knowing that he used to know me. I know it sounds cheesy and stupid but it's true! So today I totally messed up.... It all started when I remember that I had Liam's number and I texted it! (That's one mistake I can't take back) I texted him "hi. I know you've probably forgot about me but I've never forgotten about you. Btw this is Carter." And then texted again after 5 minutes if thinking if how stupid and creepy that sounds "I didn't mean to sound creepy! I was just letting you know that my name is Carter and you know me"

So those were complete fails. I don't know what to do now but write in my diary and eat Ben and Jerry's ice cream!

I just want to let you know who I am. My name is Carter Newman and I am a girl, I have depression and I have 0 friends, and just to let you know that I'm writing about my love life (don't have one and never will) and how everyday or every other day goes. So how do I end this? Well nothing exciting happened today except when I texted Liam! Well we will have to see how things go tomorrow.

Sincerely,
Carter ♡

I get up from my bed to go get some more ice cream to help my sadness. As I open up the freezer my brother gets in my way. "get out of my way you little terd!" And I push him.

" I was just going to tell you that ice cream can't solve what you have" he says

" I don't have any problems , Jon! "

" Just admit it Carter. You have depression and it's getting worse! " he said looking into my eyes. I look away and walk off. " CARTER! " but I ignore him.

When I get to my room I got on my phone. People were sending me hate.... They were saying "Carter just give up! You are so ugly!" "Just move away and kill yourself" "why do you even exist?" "Go kill yourself" (which happens everyday) and right then and there in my bedroom I slid down my door and started bursting out crying. Ever since Liam left it seems like my depression is getting worse, bullying is getting worse, and everything is getting worse!!! Ever since Liam left I've been getting worse and it doesn't stop! It never stops and once it takes over there is no going back. No going back to who I am because I'll never find that girl inside. I'll never find the one that was swinging on the swings with Liam because she is gone forever.

So, I look outside my widow. I just stare and think. Think. Think. And think some more. All I do is think, think about life and how everybody is happier than I ever will be. Nothing makes me happy anymore... nothing. I just put on a smile and go with it.

So I go back to my diary.

Dear diary,

I know it's crazy to have two diary things in one day but I have nothing else to do. So, Liam never texted back and I made a bad mistake about doing that. I haven't done anything today but fight with my brother! He thinks I'm depressed when I'm not!!! I've never been depressed! I've actually never been happier in my entire life!!!

Don't you just hate how people can think you are something when you aren't? Well that's how I feel. I'm not depressed I'm just a little sad because my best friend left me forever to be on the X-Factor and won and is now in a worldwide famous band. YEAH! everything is fine... It's actually not! I am miserable, heart broken, and it's like I'm on a straight roller coaster, I'm only going forward and nothing is happening so it's sad and I feel like if I move on any longer I will break down. Liam is the only person who understands me. I mean I never tell anyone how I feel except this diary and when Liam was here.

Sincerely,
Carter ♡

( p.s. this one was wrote the same day as the one before )

I locked my door so no one would come in. Ugh! Why do people knock on your doe so much when you know you mean nothing to them? So, I open up and it turns out to be my idiot brother. I say to him " why are you even at my door?"

He utters "I'm sorry..." and looks down and back up with his blue eyes. How come I never got everyone else's pretty blue eyes?

I declare "you aren't sorry!!! You have never been sorry in your entire life, idiot! You have always said sorry but you never mean it and never will! I can't believe you would say that. See!!! Nobody cares in this family if I am depressed of not!" and I slam the door right in his face.

Why? I mean why do I have to be the one to feel this way? He has it all! He gets every girl he wants, has good grades, and never has.... depression. So, I kind of admit that I have some depression but not a lot.

I just wish Liam was back because then everything would be better.