Anything But Normal

Chapter 1

I was currently sitting in math class, tapping my pencil every now and then, furrowing my eyebrows at the seemingly impossible problem in front of me. Oh my god, math is so not my thing. It never really was.

Our teacher, Mr. Hyde, loved me as much as I loved math. He wasn't very fond of people who weren't fond of his subject matter. For some reason though, he would always call on me to answer the most difficult of problems. I guess he was just a sadist.

As expected, he called my name, but his ear-splitting voice always made me jump. And he wasn't that pretty on the eyes either. He had red splotches all over his face that he claimed were scars from his battle with some sort of unpronounceable disease, but we all knew they were just sunburns. For some reason he also refused to go to the dentist; his front teeth were missing and the rest were hanging on for dear life, yellowed at the tips. His hair constantly stood on end as if he was permanently in shock. Oh, and let me not forget to mention the gigantic mole right in the middle of his chin which, as you may have already guessed, had little hairs growing out of it.

Now, I know what you're thinking: Not all people are attractive! You don't have to be a bitch about it. I can honestly tell you that I'm not trying to, I'm just a hormonal teenage girl and I think being a bitch is just inevitably a part of my system.

"God dammit! I'm so sorry, Jessica. I thought you were slow, not deaf! My apologies." yelled a ballistic Mr. Hyde.

Did he just fucking-

I stood up and cleared my throat loudly. "Um, Mr. Hyde, with all due respect of course, I don't think that teachers are allowed to curse. And even if they were, they shouldn't raise their voices at innocent students. Also, I am as slow and deaf as you are kind and loving. Not-at-fucking-all. Thank you."

I sat back down, crossed my legs, and gave him the worst death-stare I could muster, which, of course, got me a one-way ticket to the principals office. Not before being given a standing ovation by my whole class, though.

I slowly made my way to the office, only after stopping at my locker... And cafeteria... And also bathroom. Shit, I really screwed up. Mom and dad are going to ground me for life. I'm definitely going to get suspended, but Hyde deserved what he got, I think...

I knocked on the door of the office, shutting my eyes and trying not to imagine what awful things lay behind the door. Keeping my eyes closed, I heard the door open followed by an extremely exasperated and unnecessarily loud sigh. "Ms. Plith, your troubles don't disappear just because you can't see them. I thought you learned that when you were little."

Hesitantly opening my eyes, I countered. "Haven't you heard, Mr. Dorn? I'm slow, so, no, I did not learn that when I was little, probably because whoever was supposed to teach me that thought I was too stupid to understand."

The principal let out another prolonged sigh, either forgetting to answer or not bothering to. Most likely the latter.

"And another thing, Mr. Dorn, I thought that you knew that sighing obnoxiously does not make your problems go away either, no matter how hard you try. And don't you even think about sighing after this."

Immediately after my comment, my eyes widened and my cheeks reddened. I. Am. So. Dead.

Much to my surprise, Mr. Dorn laughed. No, it wasn't the kind of sinister laughter one would expect from Mr. Hyde or the kind of creepy cackle from my art teacher, but an actual genuine laugh. One that caused him to double over and grab the handle of his chair for support. All was going well and I decided to join him in laughter, at first I was hesitant and nervous, but then, I decided I didn't care and started giggling uncontrollably. But when Mr. Dorn started turning a sickening shade of purple unable to make any identifiable noises from his mouth I knew something was wrong.

Oh my god, what do I do? What do I do?

Feeling incredibly regretful for not paying attention in health class I tried to calm down and assess the situation. After several miserable seconds of that, I got behind Mr. Dorn and attempted to perform the Heimlich maneuver, but honestly, it just looked like I was humping him. Well, this is incredibly disturbing.

After trying for about a minute, Mr. Dorn coughed out what looked like a stale piece of bread, probably about the length and width of an average sized ping pong ball. Gross.

"Are you kidding me?! You couldn't have chewed at least a little bit?" I asked. You'd think someone as old as he was would take care of himself more. Or at least have more common sense.

He didn't reply. I could see why: he was too busy coughing and gasping for air. And at that moment I said probably one of the worst things I could've said given the situation at hand. "You're not really big on words are you?"

I expected him to continue coughing, ignoring my question, as he had so often done before, but life is full of unexpected things, and he snapped his head up at the speed a person of his age should not be capable of. "Excuse me?"

Now I'm really screwed. Nothing can get me out of this one.

"I just said..." Unable to come up with any explanation at the moment (I guess I was as slow as everyone said I was) I gave up. "I said, well, actually, I asked if you weren't too big on words. It was inappropriate. I'm sorry."

That sigh again. "Ms. Plith, have you ever considered growing up?"

That wasn't the response I thought I was going to hear, but I'm not complaining, it could've been much worse.

"I don't think I understand your question, sir. I'm 17. I think that's pretty grown up."

"I don't mean physically, Jessica. I mean mentally. A person can be 50, but can still behave like a ten year old. You snapped at a teacher when he was only trying to get your attention. Look around you. Everyone is growing up. We aren't in tenth grade anymore, or ninth, and certainly not middle school. People are getting more serious about school. They are studying harder, joining clubs, volunteering, adding more extracurricular activities. You on the other hand, aren't doing anything to up your chances of getting into a good college. You have been at a steady C in all your classes since the beginning of eighth grade. You are in the middle of the pack right now. Colleges don't recognize the average people."

I was suddenly extremely angry. I wasn't offended by the fact that he called me average. I knew that he only said "average" to substitute for the word "slow". He's treating me as if I'm inferior. As if I'm a little child who doesn't understand anything and must be taken under his wing or else I might get broken by the big bad world.

"I am not average." I said through gritted teeth. "Mr. Hyde deserved to be snapped at. He called me slow and deaf. I am neither slow nor deaf. He was being incredibly rude and I felt it was my responsibility to respond accordingly. I am not whatever else you or he fucking think I am! If I want to be a C student, I'm going to be a C student. Nothing you can do will change that. You can't tell me who to be." All the anger I had inside of me bubbled over much like every single solution I was supposed to make in chemistry.

Mr. Dorn hardened his face and clenched his jaw. He looked pissed. "No, you're absolutely right Jessica, I can't tell you who to be," he said much too calmly, "but I can tell you that if you don't join at least one club and raise your average to a B plus within the next two months, you'll be expelled. Also, you have detention every Saturday for the next five months, that is, unless you get expelled."

I hate this. I hate school. I hate you.