R U T H L E S S

•twenty one - what next?•

  He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart,
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do....

------

Skye  

Me and Justin had gone camping. Justin tries to spend most of his time away from the base since Nicole showed up. So this weekend he decided that me and him should go camping near.

We did end up having the most perfect and peaceful weekend surrounded by trees, a small lake and the sound of birds. 

I had also decided to ask him the question I've been wanting to ask him for a while now but I still don't know how he might react and I've been chicken-ing out the past two days from asking him

But now, as we were all cuddled up in a single sleeping bag with the campfire burning a couple feet away and his arms securely wrapped around me from behind as he spooned me and kept placing butterfly kisses in the crook of my neck occasionally. There was nothing more I wanted to do than ask him the question.

I cleared my throat before speaking and my hands fiddled with his rig finger that had the tattoo on it.

"Justin?" I said and he hummed against the back of my neck.

"I want to ask you something" I said and he chuckled.

"Go ahead" He said in an obvious tone.

"No, this isn't so casual, promise you won't get mad at me if you don't like the question" I said.

"I won't, I've had the best two days, there's nothing that can ruin my mood right now" He said and I turned around so I was facing him but his arm stayed around me.

"So I've been thinking about this for a while now and I didn't know how to ask you but keeping it inside is killing me and I just want get it out" I said and he furrowed his eyebrows.

"What?" 

"Look, we started with utter hatred towards each other but then it died out and we you know...got close physically. But I feel like we've gone so past the only 'physical' term now, we've got so much more going on here but we barely acknowledge it, but we can't keep running from our feelings forever right? So my question is, what next?" I asked and his facial expressions had lost all traces of smile by the time I was done talking.

"What next, l-like you mean what next with us?" He said and I nodded slowly.

He closed his eyes and exhaled heavily and for some reason, I felt like I made a mistake by asking him that.

"You mean you want us to be in a relationship?" He said with his eyes still closed so I had to answer verbally.

"Y-Yes" I said and his eyes snapped open.

His face softened looking at me and his hand reached up to wipe out all the hair from face and tuck them behind my ear.

"Skye, I know I should've talked about this to you before but I was just waiting for the right time too because in no way do I want to hurt you at all..." He said and it just added to the bad feeling.

"Baby, we can't do that. All that serious relationship thing, it's not meant for us. Not because of you or me but because of the life we live. There is no guarantee of our lives Skye, who knows what tomorrow will bring in for us. Imagine if we get into a relationship and something happens to the either of us, think about what the other person will have to go through?" He said and his rejection had already reached me and it resulted into tears pricking the back of my eyes.