Jellybean Jones

Chapter 5: Riverdale Middle School

Jellybean POV
"You don't believe me, do you?" Jughead asked. I looked down. "It's just hard for me to believe that everything will be fine when I'm so nervous." He nodded. He looked like he wanted to say more, to go into detail about why there was nothing wrong, but he knew better. "Dad should be home soon, it's getting late." Jughead said, adjusting his beanie.

He had told me he went for a drive. I nodded and took a shaky breathe. A crooked smile crossed Jughead's lips. "Wanna play a game of checkers? I want to see if you've gotten any better?" I laughed offendedly. "I could beat you in my sleep!" I taunted. He shook his head. "Sure you could, come on." Jughead motioned for me to get up. I followed him to the living room.

Jughead POV
Checkers had always been mine and Jellybean's game. I mostly suggested it for nostalgic purposes, but also to get her mind off school. I could tell how nervous she was. She had always struggled with anxiety, but it must've worsened.

By the time we had finished our fifth game, my fifth victory, Jellybean looked tired. She sat beside me and rested her head in my shoulder. She sighed. The door opened, Dad walked in, looking defeated. But he was trying to be happy for us. "Hey guys! I see you got out the old checkers!" Jellybean hugged him. "It's getting late, you should both be getting to bed. School tomorrow!" Jellybean tensed. Dad kissed her head. "Goodnight." She said tiredly, she seemed to be holding back tears. "Night Jellybean!" He called after her.

Dad's smile faded as he sat across from me. Once Jellybean was in her room, he began to speak. "She's upset about school, isn't she?" He asked. I nodded. "She'll be fine." He added quickly. "I hope so." I muttered, my voice a tad more sardonic than I meant it to be.

Dad looked down. "Your Mother wants absolutely nothing to do with us." He spoke quickly. I felt hot tears pool in my eyes. I blinked them back. "We'll tell her really soon, alright? But I don't want to ruin her first day back at school." I nodded. Dad looked me in the eyes. "You should get to bed too."
I crossed the room to the hallway. "And Jughead?" I looked back. "It'll be okay." Dad spoke. But even though we were all saying that, it doesn't make it true.

Jellybean POV
As soon as I entered my room, I felt tears rush down my face. I shook my head at myself. I absentmindedly got changed into my pyjamas, but all of a sudden, everything had become to much. I grasped the edge of my bed as I crumpled to the floor. My body rocked back and forth as I clutched my knees to my chest and my breathing became ragged.

I was trying to be quiet, but I continued to sob violently. I felt alone. This worry about school had consumed me and my anxiety had seemed to clash with it. I don't know how long I sat on the floor, but when I finally got a hold of myself, I was no longer tired. The anxiety attack I had just experienced had awakened my mind, and I no longer wanted to go to bed.

This hadn't been new for me. It used to happen quite a lot. But I never told anyone, I didn't want help. I could get through them on my own, right? I squeezed my eyes shut and climbed into bed. I took several deep breathes and tried to go to sleep, but I knew I wouldn't be able to. After what felt like an hour, there was a light tapping on my door.

Jughead walked in, I pretended to be asleep and I haven't the faintest idea why. I wanted someone to talk to, I wanted someone to comfort me. But I just couldn't. He walked to my bed and lovingly stroked my arm. He left my room, closing the door quietly behind him. I felt more silent tears pour out of my eyes. Tomorrow was going to be a living hell and I couldn't wait for it to be over.

Jughead POV
I'm not sure why I went to check on her. It felt like she was just going to disappear into thin air when I'm not looking. She had been asleep, but she looked anxious. I remember the first time I realized Jellybean had anxiety. She was six and I was nine. Mum and Dad were fighting a vicious, violent fight. I had pulled Jellybean into my room, but she had sank to the floor sobbing and rocking back and forth.

I had been very scared, but I figured it would be fine, I used to figure everything would just be fine. I tried to go back to bed, but unwanted, distressing thoughts clouded my mind. I shut my eyes and fell into a dull, dreamless sleep.

Jellybean POV
The sound of my alarm ringing the next morning was absolute nightmare fuel. I shut it off as quickly as I could. The repetitive tick almost made me loose it. I yawned and walked over to my closet. I grabbed black leggings, a cropped red hoodie and my best jean jacket, because hey, I can be trendy.

I got changed and brushed my long hair. I left it down, as I was much too distracted to style it. I grabbed my backpack and packed everything I needed, I would grab my lunch later. The minutes leading up to the time I left flew by much too quickly for my liking and before I knew it, there were only five minutes left.

I sat down on my bed and shut my eyes. I took a deep breath. I knew today was going to be awful, but there was no way I would ever be ready for it. I counted down from ten and then walked out of my room. Jughead and Dad were sitting on the couch. "Ready?" Jughead asked. "I guess so." I mumbled. I grabbed my lunch.

My Dad hugged me. "It'll be okay." He said. I nodded and headed out the front door with Jughead. We were walking to my middle school together and then he would carry on to the high school. We walked in silence for a good five minutes. "There is absolutely nothing I can possibly say to make you feel better." Jughead said suddenly.

He wrapped his arm around me. "But I know you can do this. I believe in you, even if you don't believe in yourself. And maybe it will even be fun or maybe it will be completely awful. Nobody knows." I appreciated his words. "Okay." I said simply, my voice quiet. But I froze as soon as I saw the brick building that I knew was my school. This was not happening. I was not doing this. I turned around, but Jughead grabbed my shoulder. "No." He said and then I knew I was about to enter hell.