Grease 2 - Just when I found you I lost you

Reflections

"Stephanie, there's a letter for you by the kettle," Steph's mom called as she came in after another long day at the service station. She sighed pulling her boots off in the hallway before she went through to the kitchen. In an instant, her eyes took in the small embossed ivory envelope and she knew it was another wedding invitation. She held it briefly before putting it unopened back on the kitchen counter. She'd add it to the collection she was gathering for the summer.

Almost all her friends were married now. The string of engagements starting with Louis and Sharon on New Year's Eve 1961, and increasing rapidly during the following three years. And that was when her friendships had started to deteriorate, with Michael so far away she struggled to share her friends' excitement.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" she'd asked Sharon during a dress fitting for the bridesmaids' dresses. Rhonda and Paulette had gasped with exaggerated horror, and Sharon was instantly offended. Stephanie hadn't meant anything by it but when she'd suggested it maybe wasn't wise for Sharon to be marrying her first real boyfriend, she'd dug herself into a deeper hole. Sharon had declared she didn't want an unsupportive bridesmaid and Steph had been unceremoniously dumped.

She hadn't cared though, without Michael by her side she couldn't truly enjoy the celebrations, she felt like part of her was missing. The irony that she'd spent almost a year rebuffing him, only to realise he was the one during his final days in America was not lost on her. They could have had a year together, instead they'd had to settle for weeks.

They'd agreed to stay in touch when he went to back England and for a while they'd written to each other religiously. Steph had been counting down the days until Christmas when Michael was going to visit again but his mother had fallen ill and the trip was postponed. Stephanie had been devasted, and when she'd watched Louis drop down on one knee and propose to Sharon her bitterness had only increased.

"Michael will come back," Paulette had assured her as she'd watched Sharon throw herself into Louis's arms, her face radiant. "He loves you, he'll find a way." 

"I feel such a fool," she'd said trying to smile for the happy couple. "I never saw what was under my nose. I had the perfect guy right there, and now...." Paulette had hugged her but she was soon distracted by Johnny. He'd appeared holding a piece of mistletoe over her head; nowadays he had eyes only for Paulette. Stephanie had tried to feel happy for her friend but there was something about watching your first love move on that was a little painful. And she had loved Johnny once although it didn't compare to the intensity of her feelings for Michael. He was her soul mate.

Michael had continued to write regularly but Stephanie had noticed he no longer mentioned visiting. She'd known his mom was sick but had wondered if it was an excuse. He'd sounded distant on the occasions they'd managed to talk on the phone. She'd told herself that was due to the lousy connection but in her heart she'd suspected he was withdrawing from her. When she'd asked if he'd be able to make Sharon's wedding that summer he'd hesitated and something inside her had died.

She'd attended Sharon's wedding alone, sitting at the back of the church. As Louis and Sharon had exchanged their vows tears had threatened to fall from her eyes. Dolores had passed her a tissue thinking she was moved by the ceremony but her tears were for Michael. It was a year since they'd seen each other, and she couldn't go on like this.

When all the girls had gathered outside, anxious to catch the bride's bouquet, Stephanie had hung back feeling distant from the excited laughter around her. She'd watched Paulette almost dive to the floor in the scramble to get the bouquet. She'd succeeded, breaking the heel on her sandal in the process. However, it was Goose who had got down on one knee and proposed to Rhonda. It was a bittersweet day for Stephanie and she had left the wedding knowing what she had to do.

She'd spent hours composing her Dear John letter to Michael, it was full of recriminations. She'd blamed him for not making the effort to visit, she'd blamed herself for not giving them a chance in the beginning. In the end she'd ripped up her emotional outpourings and had kept the details brief.

Michael, I love you but this will never work out. It's pointless continuing on like this, we both need to move on with our lives. I wish you every happiness. All my love, Stephanie.

She'd sent it the following day before her resolve had wavered. The days and weeks ahead had been hard, she'd never felt pain like it. Her friends had rallied around but Rhonda soon got caught up in her own wedding preparations, Sharon was in the honeymoon period, and Paulette was loved up with Johnny. After a while they'd drifted apart again.

Stephanie had tried to put Michael to the back of her mind. He'd continued to write to her but she'd returned all his letters unread. Eventually, he'd given up. She'd thrown herself into work, and told her friends she was far too busy to date when they'd tried match-making. In truth, she was terrified of being hurt again.

Rhonda's wedding had fast approached in the summer of 1963. Stephanie had agreed to be a bridesmaid, this time keeping her reservations to herself. Rhonda had tentatively asked if it would be ok if she invited Michael. Steph had readily agreed, and a small hope had begun to grow inside her. Maybe he would return.

She'd spent most of the wedding ceremony scanning the church for his face. Rhonda had said he'd promised to try and make it but he wasn't there. She'd tried not feel despondent, trying hard to enjoy the day. She'd put a big smile on her face when Louis had announced Sharon was expecting their first child, and Rhonda had joked they were upstaging her. Sharon had countered that Goose's proposal had upstaged her, and a lot of good-natured joking had ensued. Predictably Paulette had caught the bouquet again, and Johnny had looked on nervously. Stephanie had left the wedding feeling that everyone was getting on with their lives and it was time she did as well.

The following year she had made a real effort to move on, even going on the occasional date. She'd continued to insist to her friends she was happy and they'd finally seemed to believe her. 

Now looking at the wedding invitation she knew she was going to have to put on a performance again. Humouring elderly aunts who'd reassure her 'you'll be next', dancing with single men. She grimaced at the thought, and then opened the invitation with a sigh.

Mr and Mrs Rebchuck cordially invite you to the wedding of their daughter Paulette Margaret to John Alberto Nogerelli.

She checked the date, May 14, 1964. Wow that was barely a month away. She briefly wondered if she was being invited as an afterthought, she'd not spent much time with Paulette lately. Sometimes it was awkward for her as Paulette liked Johnny to join them, and she felt very much the third wheel. And of course Johnny was her ex, and it had to be equally uncomfortable for him. 

She felt a pang, her first love and her best friend were getting married. She was surprised that it hurt. Once upon a time that would have been her future. She would have been Johnny's bride. Mrs Stephanie Nogerelli. It wasn't what she wanted but it would be hard to see Paulette in what might have been her place....

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