Just Hoping For A Miracle

Four.

I don't know how to explain how much this hurts.

I lost him.

I lost Logan.

Fucking feelings.

He's not my best friend anymore.

I can no longer text him at 3:45 am if I need someone to talk to. I can no longer call him randomly just so that we can talk about absolutely nothing. I can no longer look at a picture of us and not break down crying. I can't listen to our favorite musician without falling apart instantly. I can't think about him or anything that's happened in the past almost decade of my life without breaking my heart all over again.

And I want him back.

I want to be able to call im at 3:45 am if I need to talk to someone; if I need to talk to him. I want to call him randomly so that we can talk about absolutely noting. I want to look at all of the pictures of us and smile, thinking of all of the good times we've had. I want to listen to our favorite musician, her songs always make me feel better. I want to think about him and the past decade of my life and not die all over again.

I want to be happy.

All I want is to be happy. I want to finally feel true happiness, and I want him to be happy too.

I understand if we can't be together but I want us to be together. I want to sit next to him and make corny jokes and act immature and stupid. I want to be the person I was before there was all of this drama; before he knew that I loved him, before everything got completely fucked up.