Friendzoned

Fifty: I just don't want to.

I just don't want to.

***Joseph***

Fuck!

I can't do this anymore!

The school day's ending and I have not said a single word to Madison and neither has she.

She's over me. She doesn't want to be my friend anymore. She doesn't want me anymore.

I still want her. I like her. Why did I reject her. She deserves better. She's better off without me. She doesn't need me.

Everyone seems to give a shit about me now but that's only because something happened. They don't genuinely mean shit. They don't care. They don't care. They never did. Now Madison doesn't care anymore.

Fuck. Shit. I can't. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't want to feel.

I don't want to feel anything. I just don't want to.

I have eye cancer and it's only going to get worse. I feel weak. I feel like fucking shit. I'm a fucking disappointment of a son. My parents don't need this extra burden. They shouldn't need to waste their money on my treatment. They should spend it on going on holidays and adventures together.

My parents are suffering because of me. I couldn't even protect myself against a guy the same age as me and ended up causing my parents a lot of stress.

I should have just died when I got beat up. I should never have been found. Why did they look for me. They probably felt obligated to find me. They didn't find me out of love or care. Fuck!

I was a mistake. I shouldn't be here.

I don't want to be here.

I should just die.

That's what everyone wants right?

**********

***Madison***

"Hey what's going on with you?"

William's voice pierces through my screaming thoughts and the silence that had encased us in the newspaper room.

"Um..nothing. Nothing, I'm okay." I reluctantly respond, avoiding eye contact with him.

"No, I know something is going on and you are clearly not okay. What is going on with you and Joseph?" William presses, confidence and firmness gripping his tone.

Just by the mention of his name, I immediately grew more tense and rigid. "Why is he in the picture?" I ask softly, almost afraid to ask.

I was right, I should've been afraid because William knew exactly how to answer my question and what was going on.

"Because he is involved in this. You did notice that he isn't in this room with us right now right? He never skips this, he never misses a meeting and he's always been here on time. That's super weird. And if that isn't weird or iffy enough, the fact that you have been spacing out ever since he came back to school further proves that something is going on." He said as though he was an interrogator or investigator, carefully and intelligently laying out what he needed to say in order to get the truth.

I keep quiet. I didn't know how to respond to him, honestly I was quite baffled by how much he gathered without talking to me at all today. I forgot just how observant Will was.

"Please, just talk to me. You can talk to me, I will listen. If you're going through something, I want to be there, I want to help. I mean that's what friends do right?" William pressed further, this time with a certain tenderness and softness in his tone.

After a few more seconds of silence, I heave a heavy sigh and face William.

"You're right, there is something going on."

"I knew it."

"Do you wanna know or not?"

"Sorry."

"So...I had a crush on Joseph..I..still do. I told him when I went to visit him at the hospital after the incident and he rejected me. After that, I went home and cried and continued on with everything. For two whole weeks, he didn't come to school and now today, he's just back. I just don't know what to do. Should I talk to him? Should I wait for him to approach me? At the same time, I don't even know if I want to talk to him. I'm not mad at him but I'm still upset. I don't want to go through that again."

William stays quiet, taking in everything I said and ponders for a bit.

"Well how is he doing? How does he seem to be holding up?"

"He's...honestly I don't think he's holding up well. He seems to be feeling the same way I'm feeling. Uncertain, confused and sad." I reply after a while of thinking, now that I come to think of it, he perfectly mirrors the emotions I'm feeling.

"You should talk to him." William replies almost immediately upon hearing my response.

"Well that was fast."

"It's easy."

"What do you mean? Why?"

"Come on Madison, we both know how Joseph is. In fact you know him more than I do, he's never been the brave and outspoken one. He keeps to himself a lot. I can 100 percent confirm and guarantee that he wants to talk to you but by the way you've been avoiding his gaze and your disengaging behaviour towards him, he feels like you don't want to talk to him and so, in conclusion, he feels like he shouldn't talk to you."

"What so it's my fault?"

"It's not anyone's fault, but you have to understand his position too. Just talk to him. I promise it'll get better from there, at least try." Will advised tentatively, his eyes soft and understanding.

Will reached his hand out and seemed like he was going to take my hand in his for support but before he could, we heard shouts and noise outside in the school compound. There was some sort of commotion.

I was going to ignore it but Will took my hand and pulled me along as he ran to the scene.

"Will, wait maybe it's-"

"Joseph."

Instantly, my eyes start to focus and I immediately understand what the commotion is all about.

My eyes widen and my breathing gets heavier and more rapid, before me and everyone else, Joseph was standing at the edge of the roof of the school, looking down on everyone and his eyes trained on the ground with where if he jumped or walked forward, his body would be displayed there for everyone to see.

No fucking way. That idiot!

**********

Yup. This was planned from the start.

Stay tuned guys! <3 Alyssa

Next update: Okay so I thought I would take like what three days to write this chapter and then post it on Tuesday but I finished writing it today almost immediately after posting the last chapter. Let's say the next update is next Tuesday though, I'll try to post and write another chapter.