Thomas Flynn

Log #1; Chapter 1

April 19th, 2014

First time writing in this, I guess.. I'm 10 years old, I am in 5th grade. This year has been..interesting. My name is Thomas Flynn, although I prefer Tommy. I'm homeschooled, and live with my mother, father, and my 14 year old brother, Ashton. 

My brother...he's interesting. For as long as my memory can remember, he has been on medication with extremely high doses. I feel kinda left out and ignored. My parents ALWAYS pay attention to Ashton. He is the one who gets everything. It's like I'm invisible.. I bet if I died today nobody would notice. It's always 'Hurry honey, Ashton's hurt' or 'Oh my god Steven! Ashton's choking!', 'Lizzie! Ashton is passed out on the ground, his wrists are bleeding!'. It's always about HIM. Only HIM. He gets everything he demands.

When he isn't on medication... He gets.... there's not a word to describe it. He just loses it. I used to have a puppy named Spot. Then Ashton ran out of meds. I come back from one of my friends and find my parent's in the backyard digging a hole. Thanks, Ashton. 

I don't have any friends. I used to. That was before things got bad. On my 5th birthday, all my friends came over, and one of my friends, named Emma, she brought her baby brother since she had to take care of him. Ashton, who was instructed to stay in his room the entire time my friends were over, came downstairs and started causing stuff. He ran out of meds earlier that day and Mother and Father were at the store getting his new medication at the time. Ashton pulled out a pocket knife on Emma's baby brother, and threatened if he didn't get all of my birthday gifts he would kill everybody in the room, including himself. 

After that, my parents put me into homeschool. I lost communication with my friends and my parents cut off all ways from outside our house. All because of Ashton. Thanks. Sometimes I wonder why he was even born. Why couldn't I be the only kid? Gosh. This stresses me out.

Tomorrow's Ashton's birthday. Not really looking forward to it. Family can't even come over anymore. Not even Father can bring over co-workers. Mother. I feel so bad for her. She works night and day to please Ashton. Mother's only limits with him is communication and electronics.

Do you know how much I've tried to make Ashton happy? I've been practicing magic with one of Mother's friends Beau. He gave me a spellbook a few years ago and taught me a couple things. He told me that his next lesson with me wouldn't be for a while. It's been three years and I still haven't seen him. He told me he started a day shift job and is only free at night when I'm sleeping. It seems a little suspicious, but whatever. When I was about 8 years old, I'd run around the house with a stick and come up with little chants and 'cast' them on Ashton. I'd also try to make potions out of detergents and soaps and told Ashton it was a happy potion. Being Ashton, he drank it. He was sent to the hospital and Mother and Father yelled and beat me. 

I understand that Mother and Father are going through a lot with Ashton, but the least they could do is pay attention to me. Even buying me a hat would make me feel important. I really want to get a witch hat. I've been practicing with Beau and I actually know a few things. I know I won't be able to master it, but I still try. If I can't get myself a wand or atleast crystals, I'll make my own. I'm so tempted to just..run away, and not come back. It's 4:45 in the morning, and I haven't been able to sleep from all the banging from Ashton's room. He won't stop it. I really hate him. He's really made my life hard. I hate it, hate it, hate it. He's screaming now. He just threw himself against the wall, still screaming. He's yelling my name. There's Mother and Father running down the hall, there is his door being swung open. 'Ashton! Ashton! Quiet! It's okay sweetie, it's okay!' Yeah right. 'Ashton your brother is trying to sleep!' 'FUCK HIM! GOD DAMN IT! GET YOUR ARMS OFF ME! GET OFF!' He's starting to scare me. 'Sweetie please calm down, stop squirming.' He won't stop screaming. He's screeching. 'Steven hurry, he needs his needle' Bang, Bang, Clash. Clank. Bang. Slam. Smack. 'GET OFF ME YOU WHORE!' 'Ashton!' God. God. God. Please.