Seeking Smiles//Slow Updates

fifteen

"Let's get down to business, yeah?" Tyler sits across from me on a soft, green patch of grass. I twist the green stalks between my fingers.

"Suppose we should." I shrug and look up to meet Tyler's eyes for a split second before turning my head down to the grass bits I've worked to braid.

"Alright. Do you want to start with the lyrics first or do you want to put in the music and then find the words?" Tyler asks. Sometimes I wish he would just come up with his own answer instead of consoling with me on everything. Even though this is a partner assignment.

"I think it'd be easier to write the words first, sing them in the right volume or whatever and then put the instruments and stuff behind." I lay the grass onto my knee and start working with another three pieces.

"Yeah, okay. Sounds like a plan." Tyler pauses, before speaking again; another question. "What do you want it to be about?"

"Tyler," I sigh. "We both very well know it was assigned to be about love."

"But it wasn't specified on what kind of love." He points out.

I doesn't have to be about two lovers than. It could be something different something entirely different than the sexual type of love you feel for another. It could be the type of love given by a mother.

"My mum," I blurt, my head popping up immediately.

"What?" Tyler looks confused and rightfully so.

"Oh," I lower my voice. "My mum died years back and I just thought that maybe we could write about the type of love mothers give to their children. Like, combine your mum and my own into one song of things they have done or provided. Or just simple reasons to appreciate their existence when they were here."

"Yeah," Tyler nods his head, seeming to like the idea. "I'm sorry for your loss, Logan."

"It was a long time ago," I say. "I've mostly gotten over it."

Utter lie, you wish for her presence every day.

I'm sorry, I can't fucking tell him about her being murdered.

That doesn't make you any less pathetic. I'd find it hysterical if Tyler just believed what you told him.

Fuck off.

"Oh, alright." Tyler says shyly before clapping his hands together. "Want to start?"

"Sure," I start thinking of ways to start. "Encouraging words and smiling when I thought I couldn't. She rocked me to sleep gently when the rest of the world said I wouldn't. Only with you to show me your love, to give not just what I need. You'd always be there and I don't get a chance to show greed."

"You taught me the world, how to ride bikes and how to fall down. And playing games you would not let me stand there and frown. Only with you to show me your love, to give me not just what I need." Tyler speaks whilst scrawling the words into a notebook.

"How do I deserve a mother like you; to teach me and love me? And how is it I came from you, when I am nothing in comparison? You are so great and you give me the world with your hands. And I love you so much and I thank you though I don't always say it. A mum like you deserves the world, far more than me and maybe more too."

"That part's the chorus then I assume?" Tyler asks as he writes.

"I guess. It sounds like one." The words almost flowed out of me perfectly, rhyming and everything.

"When I was happy, or sad or just even plain mad, you'd be there to listen. Anything I'd say, you'd shine down on me like the sun, always there. Only with you to show me your love, to give not just what I need. You teach me help so I will someday lead." Tyler continues for another verse.

"You lost your life sometimes working so hard, you almost threw you happiness away. But it was solely for your kid to live and to keep them from falling astray. Only with you to show me your love, to give me not just what I need."

"Back to the chorus then." Tyler says, looking up from writing. "We could add in some backing vocals to fit later once we start piecing things together."

"Strength and guidance, joy and a chance, a home and a heart, an solution and start, a body and mind, to greet and be kind, grace from above, and someone to love."

"Trail that out." Tyler notes.

"Only you. Only you. A mother like you a gift just like you. A love just like you!" I shout the last part.

Tyler laughs. "Only singing in the final version."

"Yeah." I blush. I got carried away.

"Wait, so who's going to sing? Me or you?" Tyler waves his pen at me.

"Um, I can't sing for life so probably you. Plus you know how to do this sort of stuff in the first place so shouldn't that mean you can sing?" I pull apart slivers of grass now.

"Sing for me." Tyler leans back.

"What? No, no I can't." I look shocked at first and then cower by looking at my knees. I haven't sang in so long. There hasn't been a reason for me to since I never listen to music where my voice would blend it; I always use earphones. Also because I haven't sang for years, I don't know what my voice will sound like at an attempt. Probably something awful since I can remember a little bit of good singing from my childhood. That was probably just me talking myself up and I really was just the worst.

"Yeah, you can. Just sing out a few bars." Tyler waits patiently, a sly grin hiding on his lips.

"Of what song anyways? I don't know any songs." I mumble. Of course that's not the truth, I listen to all sorts of alternative music, but my voice is nothing in comparison to those artists.

"I've pulled out your earphones before. Plus, you have to at least know your ABC's. You can at least sing that."

"Tyler, please, I just don't want to sing." I fidget with my fingers, pulling the skin back from where I've picked at it. Singing in front of someone else is a common fear. Why can't he understand that?

"I'll sing with you then." Tyler suggests and sits back up, scooting closer to me. "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star is easy. Let's do that one."

Tyler starts singing, and of course, of all things that could possibly come out of his mouth, they are just the exact words flowing gently with a clear tone, no raspiness whatsoever. And it is one of the best singing voices I've ever heard. And he's only singing a little nursery rhyme.

I shake my head. "You have to sing, Tyler. That was amazing."

Tyler shushes me. "You were supposed to join in. Now just do it. You can't be that bad."

Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes and start to sing so I don't have to see Tyler's reaction. My voice comes out too airy and it just isn't good enough. Tyler's voice is way better. I finish the song and wince before peeking through my eyelids at a silent Tyler.

"And you said I was good." Tyler shakes his head in disbelief.

"You are good." I sit there in confusion.

"I don't cuss but holy shit." Tyler's eyes are wide. "That was fucking beautiful."

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I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING. I've had MAJOR writer's block and it is kind of worrying me because I don't want to give up on this story when I've come so far already. I'm sorry for the crappy chapter...

AlSo! 

I have a thing... if you want to somehow create that song into a real song with instruments and everything, you can. Just make sure to send it to me through here on Wattpad or my Twitter @panicforjoshler ... you can change any of the lyrics if you please. Mine aren't very good anyways. If you do, I'll give you full credit and put it at the top of the story. 

Thanks for reading!

-a.k.