therapy / e.d

10

A/N I suggest maybe rereading a couple previous chapters just incase you've forgotten where the story is up to :) I hope you enjoy the update!! x
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I stare out the window, the stress ball travels from my left hand to the right continuously. I fight the urge to bring my knees up to my chest. That'll only show backwardness in my recovery.

"Mia?" Dr Evans snaps me out of my day dream and I stare back at him. "Can you answer my question?" He asks lightly and I sigh.

He asked me how often I leave the house. I told Dr Evans about last week and how, even after a relatively good day of getting out of the house, the same overwhelming PTSD feeling returned the minute I got back home.

He recommended that due to the violent memories that are still present in my mind, I should try and get out of the house as often as possible to avoid the familiarity.

"Where do you think people go when they die?" I think aloud.

"Sorry?"

"What happens? Is it darkness? Do you reincarnate?" I mumble. "What do you believe?"

He appears to be speechless, not knowing what to say. He stumbles on his words before giving a proper answer. "Personally, I believe in the afterlife." Dr Evans answers.

"So, a Heaven and a Hell?"

He nods. "Perhaps, yes. If not, I do believe in something."

"Hell is right here on Earth." I say bleakly, assessing the unnecessary hate that flows within our planet. It has to stop. But I'm afraid it never will. Hell.

"Mia, have you continued the drawing mechanism?" He changes the topic.

I didn't draw my memory of our first date. I haven't drawn any recent memories come to think of it. I timidly shake my head.

"That's why you're experiencing your intrusive memories again. And seeing Ethan-"

"I'm losing my mind." I interrupt with no emotion. I'm so used to this feeling, I'm desensitised to it.

Dr Evans sighs with patience. "They're only hallucinations. Now... I'm not qualified to prescribe medication to help you but-"

Medication? What? No way. I light gasp escapes my parted lips and I feel my eyes water.

"You...you said I was getting better." I point out, my voice shaking.

"You are, in some forms. But you ceased your treatment, Mia. You control how you heal." He says firmly and I gulp harshly. "I understand that seeing Ethan may have been shocking to say the least but it's completey normal and-"

"I'm not normal," I cut him off, hurriedly standing from my seat in a panic, feeling myself getting more and more anxious by the second. "Seeing a dead person isn't normal," I exclaim as I throw my arms up to my sides and I start pacing around his office.

"Mia..."

"I'm scared, okay?" I lower my voice to a near whisper. "I feel like I'm in a never ending loop of pain and I want it to go away." I say each word strongly and I feel my voice strain. "I don't need medication. I don't." I clutch my head with my hands and take a deep breath, standing still.

"Then you can return to the drawing mechanism. Drawing will help you find the closure you need." He speaks softly. God he's so patient with me, it almost makes me sick. "Sit down, Mia. It's alright." He assures me, gesturing to the sofa chair.

My arms return to my sides slowly and I eye the chair momentarily, occasionally glancing at Dr Evans before finally sitting down.

"Now. It's best if you try and get out of the house at least three times a week." He nods but I'm quick to disagree with him.