snail mail to australia // a.i

chapter two

Around two weeks after I had written my first letter to Ashton, it was time to return to support group, and receive our replies. My thoughts were conflicted, but what else to you expect out of an anxious teenager? I presumed he was going to judge me for all that I had vented out, and that he would be the same as every other judgmental teenager in today’s society. My assumption was exceedingly fallacious, for he was the complete opposite.

“How is everybody today?” Mr.Patelli asked with a cheery smile. He was always happy; I understand it was purposely because he was trying to lift the spirits of the support group, although his failure was evident as everyone replied with dull mutters.

“Well, I got all of the replies from your pen pals!” Everyone suddenly perked up, as all heads looked up towards Mr.Patelli. He went behind his desk, pulling out a plastic bag, containing the small envelopes we’ve all been anticipating. After he neared halfway through the letters, he called my name. I jumped out of my seat, and swiftly walked towards him, my heart pounding in my chest. Calm down Lauren. Get a hold of yourself!

With shaky hands, I tore open the letter, reading it nice and carefully.

08/14/2014

Dear Lauren,

I know we just started talking, but I’d like to say I’m a rather caring person, so please know that I’ll always listen to you, don’t ever feel like you’re alone. I’m sure your siblings love you, everyone has their struggles, and I’m sure you’re not one of them; I presume they just have built up anger, and let it out on someone who can listen.

 When you begin to feel a panic attack arising, think of the things that you love most in this world. Whether it’s a celebrity, a place, a movie, a book, just close your eyes, breathe, and think. Focus on that one specific thing, and don’t stop thinking. Don’t be afraid to tell your parents or siblings, as much as it seems like they don’t care, they’re still your family, and will always love you and care for you.

Love, you deserve to be happy. When it comes down to friendships and relationships, appearance isn’t everything. And I know that the physical appearance is the first feature that makes someone come, but it isn’t the attribute that makes them stay. Your personality matters, and even if so, I’m sure you’re beautiful. There’s always an extraordinary secret hidden in a person, don’t ever think you are average. Even if you haven’t found it yet, you will.

Also, what somebody does in comparison to what you do is irrelevant. Do not put yourself down because she is better at something. Try your best, focus on what you need and want, and don’t give up. Worrying about other people is just going to make it harder for you to focus on what you want to achieve.

There’s no such thing as lost love. If they were there, and then they left, it shouldn’t matter. The people who have always been there deserve your love the most. “We accept the love we think we deserve.” Yeah?

You deserve to smile, to laugh, and to be free. If you can’t think of a reason to live, think of nature (the sun, the moon, and all of the stars). They shine for you, and if something beautiful disappears, people become sad. If the stars disappeared, I’d be sad, because I love stars. If you passed away, people would be sad- I would be sad, because people there love you, and I enjoy amazing things.

I hope you’d like to know a bit about me, because if not, this would be awkward. My name is Ashton, I’m sixteen, and I live in Australia. I’m fairly happy, but we all have our bad days. I love to play the drums; in fact I would love to be in a band one day. I live with my mum, my dad left when I was a little kid, and I don’t have any siblings. It gets pretty lonely sometimes, but then I remember I have my mum, and recently, you. My grades suck, but that’s alright. I aspire to be successful in the strand of the arts, not in the sciences.

I have intense wanderlust. One day, I would love to travel the world, completing everything on my bucket list. In fact, I’ve been saving up for that since I was a little kid, and I’m well along- almost 10654 AUD.

We have just begun speaking; however I am terribly excited to meet you. It is going to be quite the adventure.

With Love,

Ash x

My eyes diverted from the paper, my mouth was curled into a smile and a blush on my cheeks. Since when do gentlemen him exist in modern day society? Don’t get attached Lauren, look what happened with everybody else. Don’t make a fool of yourself. I shook my head, trying to erase the negative thoughts. Why must my thoughts be so discordant with each other?  Ashton seemed nice, he cares, and he seems genuine, but I just can’t let myself depend on him as I’ve done with so many people.

“Is everybody’s pen pal nice?” I was shaken from my thoughts as Mr.Patelli’s loud voice boomed through the room. I nodded, putting away my letter in my bag. Mr.Patelli dismissed us from today’s support group, leaving me to ponder upon my topic for my next letter.

The support group centre was a short walk from my house. Although Seattle is one hell of a big city, my parents thankfully bought a house nearby all of my necessities; school, support group, therapy, the mall, and Panera Bread (we all need one of those.)

To my advantage, all of my family was occupied with errands, leaving me alone at home. If there’s anything I love, it’s being able to have some time to myself. Having people pester and criticize me is not one of my favourite pastimes.

After completing my chores and eating, I headed upstairs to write a reply to Ashton. Smiling, I began to compose my letter.

 Dear Ashton...