From the journal of Patient Sixteen written under the initials of CTL dated in 26 of July 2001; voice recorded by Dr. Quirrero
S E V E N T E E N T H S Y M P T O M:
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1
JULIET IS terrified.
She may somehow act like she knows what she is doing but when the colossal of the emotional turmoil comes crashing down at her, she either fades away or falls apart all together.
One day has passed. One day of not answering her boyfriend's messages and calls. One day of emotional breakdown. One day of mulling over her deeds. One day of staying rooted in her own consciousness.
At one point, she settles on putting the rawness of her complex psychological state through its paces. But with her disconnection of herself and to her surroundings, with the uncontrolled shifting on her own sense of her identity, with how her memories throw into disarray, and with her connection between the past and the present events are being disrupted-to whom she owes herself?
Is it her fault why she became who she is? Or is she driven by her own traumatic forces? Either way, the answer still falls to the category of her own actions and its aftereffects.
But her fragmented history must be held accountable. The question is: where would she start from apologizing when she is still residing in utter blindness of her past?
Should she start from begging Julie-one of her trauma holders-to let her witness her past again and feel it in her bones how excruciating it is so she can finally make peace with it?
How can she forgive herself for not becoming the person she wanted to be?
"Liet? Gising ka na ba? Nandito si Damon!"
Juliet jerks out of her reverie by the loud voice of Julien. Her blank gaze shifts towards the closed door being consecutively knocked by whom she assumes is her sister.
"Love?"
-But she is wrong.
As if Damon's baritone voice serves as a snap, making her heart leap in anxiety, she quickly climbs out from her bed and rushes towards the door. With her uPVC door, she can easily hear the whispers in their hushed voices.
"She is still sleeping, Damon. Umalis ka na."
"What? It's already seven. Wala ba siyang shift ngayon?"
"Hindi ba pwedeng ma-late kahit isang beses man lang? Praning ka ba?"
Juliet can feel her pulse quicken. Saying to someone who tends to lean on paranoia how paranoid they are makes them get irrationally anxious even more. She wants to butt in, to calm the worries of her boyfriend like she used to, but she cannot just move her body. She doesn't have the strength to chew the fat in sheer placidity like everything is just fine. She is straight out tired of being okay with things she is not okay with. She is downright worn out. She badly wanted to disappear, but running away is not an option anymore.
