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I woke up on the same bed and feel it more bigger than I used to.
Like those days, I woke up without you in my arms or next to me.
I slowly sit up looking down at the pillow, no traced of tears, not like those passed months.
I quiet congratulate my self, praising and hoping I made it. I hope.
And, just like I do every time I woke up since the day you left, by reflex, I get my phone, tap the small hard box beside the bed open and the moment it ready I tapped our favorite song play on my phone.
I close my eyes listening to each notes, banging my head with the tantalizing instrumental melodies it has.
The moment it was nearing the end,
I realized,
the lyrics that says a lot about the music,
it still don't sound the same when you are still with next to me.
I open my eyes and slowly touch my cheeks, no wetness of tears,
not like the passed months were tears flowed non stop the moment I heard the song intro.
I congratulate myself again, hoping I made it. I hope.
I continue my routine the moment I woke up every day or late day.
I slowly got up to the window where I can see happy children playing on the seashore line,
group of friends posing and capturing with tragic beauty of sun seats,
couples holding hands while enjoying the view and the air breeze.
Sun rays draw a beautiful yet sad scenery every time it pass the horizon and I wonder if these happy people can see the sad scene of it.
I wonder why they can be happy if something is sad around them?
If I'm sad will they be sad?
If they're sad how will I know?
Should I be sad? If I'm still this.
The nature and the human nature. I sigh and continue my routine as I go the bathroom hoping the water wash the pain that turned numb as time goes.
I hope.
I walk inside the crowded area,
sweat bodies bumping on each other as they sway guided to the music.
Smokes are all around.
Glass are clinking.
People are chatting noisy,
some are at the corner making out satisfying their wants.
I look around to find familiar group of people. The moment I found them I sit with them and greeted each other.
Hours flew fast.
I'm a bet tipsy now and
I can't stand nor walk steady as I try to pass the crowded area on the center through the exit.
I literally shoved the people that were on my way not minding the reaction and harsh words I get.
I was about to walk straight on the exit when the corner of my eye caught a familiar figure dancing on the side grinding her body on a man.
My body has been showered by a drum of cold water when I see you.
After six months.
I see that eye smile that I treasure,
and owned the owner of it once.
I see you and my heart beats rapidly after months of being in pain.
I was about to walk towards you when a man holds your waist and leaned near closer your ear, whisper words that makes you giggle then a two perfect crescent formed on your face above the perfect set of white teeth.
Just like my body been showered by ice a minute ago this time my heart's been shower by.
You hold then hug him as she gives you flower and pull her towards the exit,
you didn't notice me and passed me,
as you smiling happy holding him.
I just stood there watching your back and him disappear.
The moment I realized that yes, you're no longer mine,
what am I expect then?
I laugh bitterly as my hearts started to feel the pain again,
not that long, a while ago when it start to vanished.
I face palmed my self as I feel the wetness on my palms,
tears again flowing non stop from my eyes fleeting as the pain my heart been complaining.
I've grown, but too late to understand the things about us.
I've grown, but too late to see that nothing can compare about you, with me.
If us still exist,
I go with you and take you to every party I know and let you dance - the thing you all wanted.
If us still exist,
I buy you flowers every time I got home from work - the thing you called romantic.
If us still exist,
I will give you all my hours - the thing chance you always ask me.
If us still exist,
I'll hold your hand every time and every where your with me - the thing I can show you how much I want you, need you, and love you.
If us still exist.
Those all the things I should have done when you are mine.
If us will exist once more.
