The House in the Lake

Back to His Room

Once again, he didn't take advantage of me. When he realised I wasn't stopping the kiss he may have started squeezing me and pressing me harder against his body. He may have started kissing me a little, too, instead of just kissing me back. And he did lay me on the couch and lie on top of me, without stopping kissing me. And at that point I was certain he was going to fuck me. And oh, Gods, did I want that!

But he didn't.

I wasn't going to stop him. I had no intention of pretending I didn't want it. I may not yet have the courage to ask for it, but, at least, I wouldn't have denied I wanted it, if it had come to it. But, he didn't take things there.

We just kept kissing non-stop for a little longer than half an hour, and then, naturally, the kiss came to an end. And he lay for a few moments on top of me, and he kept thanking me, again and again, while I couldn't stop caressing his back.

Then, he suddenly said, "You haven't eaten yet!" And he let me eat.

Well, it wasn't like I was that hungry. The coffee was... useful, but I could have done with a little more cuddling. I'm being honest here. I loved every moment of it. And I'm happy he chose to lie in my lap, as he usually does, while I was drinking my coffee. I didn't tell him any of this, but he knew.

I mean, for one thing, I was more cheerful than any other day I was with him. And I kept touching him more often, and for a longer time, than I usually do. And also, these trousers of his? Well they were made of an extremely light and soft fabric, and they were no tight at all, and he was lying right there, so... well, he knew!

While I was having my coffee an image came in my mind. The image of his room when I sneaked into it. There was no wardrobe, or anything his extra pairs of trousers could have been in. Actually, there wasn't even any place where his original pair of trousers could have been left for the night. And on realising that I felt even more stupid for yelling at him, and even more lucky – and happy – he had chosen to give me the ones he was wearing at that moment.

Anyway! The whole day went by nicely, and rather joyfully, I must say. Nothing in particular. Nothing out of the ordinary, but quite joyfully. And I was looking forward to the night to come. I was certain he'd sleep with me again, and he did. And I was certain that when this did come to pass, he would have sex with me. I mean, I had given him every right to believe I want it. But he didn't fuck me.

And so, today I've been more aggressive. I did comment on how beautiful and sexy he is, at every chance. Well, I did create chances out of the blue, to be frank! And I have grabbed his ass and balls – over his trousers – more than a few times. And I didn't try to avoid him grabbing mine. Well... maybe, cradling?

So, yes, today I'm sure he knows I'm more than willing to make love with him.

Wait! What?!?!

Oh, dear Gods! I'm afraid, this is the truth, though. I'll take sex, if that's what he wants, but I want to make love with him. I want to give him as much love as he gives me. All the time! I may end up killing him when this month passes, but, right now, I don't need to be thinking about that. Right?

So, I do clean myself as thoroughly and perfectly as I can. And I leave the bathroom and go to my bed. And I'm really excited about what is bound to happen. I've been thinking of many ways to initiate it, in case he doesn't make the first move. So, tonight, it's happening. For sure!

And I turn off the lights, lying on my bed now, no sheet covering me. Waiting for the door to open, and him to come in.

I hear his steps closing in on the door. My breath stops. My heart beats like a drum.

"Good night, Kane!"

And he leaves.

What???

I jump off of the bed and run to the door. I grab the knob. But I don't dare to open the door. I lean my head against the door as my body falls down on the floor. He really went to his room.

Why?

Why didn't he come in?

What did I do wrong?

Why does he not like me any more?

I want you, Lugh!

My hand, still clinging to the doorknob, abandons hope and falls, it too, onto the floor.

What went wrong?

Did he realise I'm not worthy of his love?

I'll promise I won't kill you, if that's what you want, Lugh. Just come here tonight. Just hold me in your arms and kill me when I fall asleep. Please, Lugh. Do come!

But he doesn't come.

I shouldn't be thinking like this. I know that. The hell if I care! Right now, I need him to be with me. Right now, all I feel is the pain of him hating me. Right now... right now, I'm willing to beg him to pay some attention to me, even if only to spit on me.

My courage has vanished. It's my despair, now, that drives my body to move. And I open the door and leave my room and go into his.

"Lugh? Why do you hate me?"