My Darling Simon

Hi Si, my darling Simon

I am so happy for you to finally have the home you always dreamt of.

Even though I am not part of this home, or maybe I do have a small corner in one of the rooms, I don't know.

I always wonder what is so bad about our relationship that I can't have you the way we both want... Or should I say... Wanted... Till Lauren came and change everything.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy that she is taking care of you and little Eric and loves you both, of course.

But sometimes when I look at your pictures in some magazine it looks like they tell me that you need... Me.

I never came cause I relized that if I come some shadows from the past will come to visit... And I don't want to bring some uncontrolled actions to happen.

I love you very much and I would be glad to attend to your wedding, but I will totally understand if you wouldn't invite me, it's your right after all.

Lauren, I believe she truly loves you, I am sorry that we never talked for real but I have a feeling you really the one that can be what Si need, even if you think she doesn't.

I am happy you have found each other, I wish I had the same luck but it's different story.

Lots of love

Your sincerely
Paula

Simon reads this letter again and again, from all his exes this one letter made him really... Sad.

I never had the time to talk with her to informed her about the wedding but it seams Tony had, she actually was the first person he called, it ended up that she was the first to know out of Simon's family circle.

He knew perfectly well what the shadows from the past she talked about are, but he knew that he can't do this without her there, because in some way she had to be there.

Paula didn't attanded to the pre wedding events, she didn't felt part of it, in each of then when Simon relized she didn't came he felt the event is not whole.

The ceremony is starting in several minutes and Simon didn't even know what to think he never imagine being in that situation, specially when it's not Paula the woman that would be coming to his direction to be his and only his forever.

Simon never been a forever kind of a guy, his relationship with Terri lasted because Paula didn't let herself fall for him, at least not too deep.

The only time Simon pictured his wedding was when Paula once came to his family, suprise visit, she didn't even told him she would be in London that week and it felt like she was meant to be there as a Cowell.

But she is not the one that will become his tonight, he keeps repeating it like he his afraid he would forget.

He didn't saw the dress, he never cared for dresses when it wasn't Paula and this night is no different.

"Are you ready?"

"You want my honest answer Nicky?"

"I thought you been over that tiny American dancer already old brother"

"My honest answer is I want you to kick me so hard to make me wake up from this nightmare and find Paula resting her head on my chest in my bed when she came to visit us in London too long ago"

"The shadows from the past kicked you hard in the bells ha?"

"How is she?"

"She is sad, she didn't had a date to come with tonight and the fact that even Sinitta is in real relationship now and brought that Franch wine guy doesn't helping to chear her up as well"